Keep a Secret
by Ginnydabomb1996
Summary: Rated M, Alvon - Theodore is asked to keep a shocking secret about his eldest brother's feelings towards Simon. Trouble is, he's rather bad at keeping secrets, let alone one like this. But will it end up the tragedy Alvin believes after all?
1. Beginning

**Hey people!**

**So, this is yet another one of several stories I'll be posting over today and tomorrow, and I'm glad to say this is quite a long one so far, a really fun story I did when I felt a little out of inspiration with stories, thinking what I could do that was different, and then thinking I always kind of neglect Theodore when I write. I wanted to write an Alvon story through Theo's eyes, how he feels about his older brothers feeling that way (and NO, Theodore will never be involved in a sexual premise). So that was the inspiration.**

**This is the product! It went from being Theo's point of view, to switching between the boys. A letter should appear at a page break indicating Alvin, Simon or Theodore. Hope you like it, I'm quite fond of it :) **

**(C) Bagdasarian Productions**

**Enjoy!**

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**T**

Jolting awake for the third time that week, Theodore Seville looked around his room to make sure once again that the scream wasn't in here with him. If it wasn't so short-lived, he would have thought it was a banshee – it sounded so frightened.

He was glad it wasn't a banshee, because that would mean someone in the house was going to die.

But it wasn't, so…

Theodore closed his bright green eyes in attempt to calm his racing heartbeat down. He didn't care what it was – things waking him up in the dead hours of the mourning were both unwelcome and concerning. It wasn't natural. Things were meant to be quiet, now. Quiet. No screaming.

The youngest of the Seville boys sat up tiredly, a thought occurring to him.

It seemed the sound was coming from behind him, through the wall. Which was slightly unnerving, because that was where Alvin's bedroom was – and despite being the egotistical boy that Alvin was, Theodore valued him far too much to have anything happen to his big brother.

With this thought in mind, he decided he would go and see what the matter was. Even if there was none, he could at least expect some sort of comforting words from the red-clad boy.

Slowly, Theodore slid himself off the bed and gently sneaked across the room to the door, which he tried to remember quickly if it would squeak on opening. He hadn't been in his own room for long – in fact, it was probably only two months ago that the once-large bedroom was separated into three. And, of course, Theodore had been the one most against having his own room.

But, he supposed, Alvin and Simon were sixteen, now, and they probably needed their own spaces for once. Not to mention their fighting was getting worse by the day when the rooms were joined. The air seemed to thin out when the rooms split finally.

Theodore knew, however, that the fights were going to come back to that point. Sure, they didn't share a room anymore, but Simon's was right across the hall from Alvin's, and neither hesitated in yelling across this space to get their point across.

If anything, it was a great vocal warm-up for them both, shouting so long, raising the pitch, putting more and more emotion into the words.

Theodore didn't like that it was _negative_, but other than that, he tried to see the positive side.

But, man, did he hate it when they fought.

To him, their words struck so cruelly to whoever they were shouting at. Every time they argued, Theodore was afraid that the family was going to fall apart – the things that were said! The way they said them!

Simon shocked Theodore the most. Here was the most mature, civilised and orderly boy that anyone ever knew, but he was absolutely ruthless when he fought with Alvin. His words, that were used so poetically at school, were like lashes of a whip – from his biting sarcasm, to the cruel way he laughed at Alvin.

Theodore didn't understand how Alvin could take it. He wasn't even the one being yelled at, and he cringed and shied away every time, most of the time to go get Dave. If Dave wasn't home, he would try and intervene. If that seemed too far gone, he would race to Eleanor's to get away. His older brothers never really hurt each other physically, so he could retreat with a clear conscience.

Alvin would never strike Simon, and Simon's worst was when he tackled Alvin to the ground, which caused Alvin the "requirement" to fight back. There had been bruises, sometimes, but nothing major.

Theodore stood by that that meant the two really did care about each other, deep down. It was just their personalities that clashed.

See, despite not acting very much like it, Alvin was an excellent older brother. Theodore always counted on him to have his back. And Simon could probably say the same, however reluctantly.

Alvin wouldn't let anyone touch his brothers. When he was younger and cared more about his ego, then yes, he occasionally discarded the responsibility of being the eldest to get popular – but now, that hardly got in the way.

Theodore smiled on this thought as he continued silently out of his room and tried to squint to see Alvin's door. A few years ago, coming to Alvin when something scared Theodore would have been the mistake of the century. He was so glad that those years were gone.

Reaching a hand out to the wall, Theodore finally found Alvin's doorknob and slowly turned it. He pushed the door open and went inside, relieved to see Alvin's desk lamp on and the eldest slowly sitting up against his pillows.

His sapphire eyes shifted in alarm to Theodore's approaching figure before he relaxed and smiled slightly. 'Morning…' He said tiredly.

Theodore approached Alvin and stood beside his bed with a worried expression. 'Are you alright? I heard you scream a-and –'

'Scream..?' Alvin repeated with a raised brow. 'Theodore, Alvin Seville does not _scream_.' He stifled a yawn. 'I may have _yelled _a bit…'

'Well you've been… yelling, every night since Monday… and that's only this week.' Theodore said concernedly. 'You've been doing it at random for a month…'

Alvin shifted indigently. 'Yeah, well…' he pursed his lips. 'Bad dreams, I guess…'

Theodore rocked on his feet, still looking worried. 'They sound horrible…' he put in.

The eldest must have caught on to the hopeful tone. 'Sorry, Theo, but… but I can't tell you what they're about…' he smiled reassuringly. 'I'll get over them soon, I'm sure…'

'But…' the disappointment in those green eyes was astounding. 'They say you can stop having dreams if you tell people about them…' he offered.

Alvin tilted his head fondly. 'Trust me, Teddy, you don't need to know.' He insisted.

_Trust me_… Theodore caught onto those words with a mental frown and external amplification of worry. _Whenever he says that… it's not good… and usually untrue…_ 'A-are you sure, Alvin..?'

'Mhm…' Alvin closed his eyes and rested his head against his headboard. 'Go back to sleep, Theo… I'm sorry I woke you…'

'Oh…' Theodore looked down. 'A-alright, then…' He glanced reluctantly at his tired older brother, who seemed to have slept with his cap on again, before Theodore decided to leave.

If it happened again, however… then Theodore would ask a little more urgently. He didn't want to hear Alvin in that much torture all the time – it wasn't right. Sleep was meant to be relaxing.

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**Okay so this sucks as a first chapter but bare with me - if I added the next section it would have been way too long. Next chapter will be up soon anyway :) **


	2. Keep a Secret

**As promised :D**

**Enjoy!**

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**T**

It happened again.

Theodore frowned in curiosity this time as he woke. _Four days in a row..? _He pursed his lips and got out of bed.

Making a quicker task of it, Theodore entered Alvin's room and saw his eldest brother breathing heavy, sitting up again. The morning light was only just coming through, but Theodore could see quite well in here compared to the windowless hallway.

'Alvin –?'

'Theo,' his tone was agitated as he ran a hand through his messy hair. 'I'm fine, go to bed…'

Theodore came forward a little more. 'Alvin… it's just…'

Alvin sighed and lay down. 'I'm sorry I keep waking you up…'

'You really sound… scared, Alvin…' Theodore lamented. 'A-are you sure you don't want to tell me about it –?'

'No, Theodore.' Alvin said firmly, propping himself up on his elbows. 'This is something I want to deal with… on my own.' He tried to sound certain. Theodore didn't buy it.

The youngest stood beside Alvin's bed and looked at him with more concern than a fourteen-year-old should ever harbour. 'Please, Alvin..?'

Alvin blinked at the tone, the expression and the words. He looked as though he was frantically trying to turn Theodore down without feeling guilty. 'I… Theo… Teddy…' then his voice did something Theodore wasn't expecting. It held a violent tremor. 'I-I can't tell you –' his words choked. He shook his head and closed his eyes.

Theodore was more alarmed than interested, now. He stayed silent, not knowing how to respond, slowly getting more curious.

'Just go, Theo…' Alvin managed a clear sentence.

'Alvin, I-I want to help –'

'You can't,' Alvin snapped slightly, sitting up. 'Theo, you wouldn't understand.'

Theodore felt hurt at that sentence. He wasn't stupid. 'A-Alvin, please,' he asked softly. 'I-I…' he stood firm and tried being like Simon for once. 'I-I won't leave until you tell me. Please.'

Alvin considered Theodore. For a long while. But Theodore was patient, it was one of his prouder traits. After what felt like an agonizing ten minutes (but was probably only one) where Theodore wanted desperately to know what was going on, and Alvin was trying to decide whether or not he could confide in Theodore, Alvin sighed.

'You have to promise me that you won't tell _anyone_.' Alvin bargained.

'I-I promise.'

Alvin looked at Theodore reluctantly. 'I'm serious, Theo… you have a habit of not keeping secrets…' he hated to say it, but it was true.

Theodore knew it, too, and looked down guiltily. 'I promise I won't tell anyone, Alvin.' He insisted, looking up again. 'I swear I won't. Cross my heart.'

'Okay…' Alvin pursed his lips in thought before patting the spot next to him. 'You're gonna need to take a seat…' he said, with more sadness than anything else.

'Thanks, Alvin,' Theodore offered a smile and joined his older brother, who shifted away from him a bit.

Alvin blew out a breath. He looked a little sick, actually. 'Alright, there's things you need to understand before I tell you what I'm dreaming about…' he contained his voice to a whisper so no one could hear them.

Theodore nodded in pure interest. 'Like what?'

'Well…' Alvin glanced at his baby brother. 'First of all: has Dave ever given you… The Talk..?'

'What's that?' Theodore frowned.

Alvin blushed. 'Alright, then… I guess I _am_ the eldest, so Dave might have thought I would tell you…' he sighed and looked down at his lap. 'So, when two people like each other a lot,' he began, 'they get crushes, right?' He wanted to keep it simple and less adult-like.

Theodore smiled. 'You've had heaps of crushes.'

'Right, exactly,' Alvin nodded, 'so… sometimes, they can turn into… love.' He said.

'But…' Theodore halted. 'I love you… but not… as a crush.'

Alvin smiled and let himself laugh a little. 'Yes, Theo, there are generally two types of love: the love where you have boundless care for someone – that's family love – and the love that makes your heart flutter, and whenever you see this _one person_, you just know that you want to be with them forever. That's called being _in_ love.' He taught.

Theodore nodded in interest. 'So like Dave and Marsha?'

'I think they're one stone short of the full thing, but yeah.' Alvin nodded. 'Um, okay, so… Sometimes, when people get a crush,' he continued, 'they can have… okay, let me re-phrase… sometimes, a boy can get a crush on another boy. Or a girl on another girl.' He glanced at Theodore to see how he was taking that.

The youngest looked entirely interested. 'That can happen?'

'Yep. Homosexuality.' Alvin nodded. 'So… society doesn't really like that…' he continued. 'Those people get kind of ridiculed…' he smiled at Theodore softly. 'It's a little cruel, actually.'

'Lucky none of us are that way.' Theodore returned the smile.

Alvin looked down again, blushing. 'Well…' he trailed off, '… uh… okay, n-now I'm going to tell you why I'm dreaming what I am.'

Theodore was slightly confused how this connected, but nodded. 'Okay.'

'Teddy…' Alvin took in a deep breath. 'I'm… one of those people.' He kept his gaze hard on his lap. 'I'm attracted… to other boys.'

'No you're not.' Theodore frowned. 'You like girls.'

Alvin smiled guiltily at Theodore. 'There's a difference between being true to yourself… and being what everyone expects you to be.' He stated. 'I flirt with girls and get girlfriends and all that… only because… I-I'm afraid of being the way I am. I don't want people looking at me like some… freak. I don't want to be different, a-and I don't like my feelings…'

Theodore pursed his lips, confused. 'So… why don't you stop them..?'

'It's not that easy,' Alvin shook his head, his sapphire eyes shimmering in the early morning light. 'See… sexuality… is something you're born with. It's not a choice – if it was, then I wouldn't be having these nightmares. If sexuality is a choice… that's like saying love is a choice. You can't help who you fall in love with, Theo… if I can teach you anything, please remember that…'

'So why are you having such bad nightmares?' Theodore questioned, noting that Alvin wasn't as choked up as he was the first time he wanted an answer.

Alvin averted his gaze in shame. 'I still don't know if I should tell you…' he said gently.

Theodore looked down as well. 'Are… are you in love with someone..?' He asked. 'A-and you're scared of how people will react, so you dream the worst..?'

'Yeah, that's the safe version…' Alvin nodded. He met Theodore's gaze. 'I want you to promise me again, Theodore. Promise you won't ever tell anyone who it is. Especially who it is.' He said it with so much earnest that Theodore got a little frightened.

Not only was Alvin attracted to the same sex – no, that was just the opening act. This was clearly much more important, and obviously more complicated.

But Theodore gave a firm nod. 'I promise, Alvin. I promise I won't tell anyone, ever.'

Alvin nodded worriedly. 'Alright…' he felt his emotions getting the better of him again and he tried fighting them off. 'So… you can't help… who you fall in love with…' he began slowly, 'so when you happen to fall in love with someone you… you didn't expect… nor did you _want_ to… never in a million years did I _want_ to… i-it's more than scary, Theodore… it's indescribably terrifying.' He closed his eyes. 'I-I…' that tremor was back. 'It's… illegal… to f-fall… to love… to fall in love w-with your… your brother…' he cursed the tears building up. 'And I-I fell for… for –' his head fell into his hands. 'God – it's Simon!'

Theodore looked around the room. 'Where?' He asked, confused. 'What's Simon? I don't see –'

'Theodore, I'm in love with Simon,' Alvin shivered as a tear escaped him. 'A-and every night… my mind thinks up scenarios… to remind me, h-how sick… and disgusting it is – how sick and disgusting **_I_** am…'

'N-no, it can't –' Theodore frowned, utterly confused. 'You hate Simon,'

Alvin kept his head down. 'I don't want to feel this way about him… s-so I cover it up… w-with the opposite extreme… love, hate…' his voice broke a little. 'Nothing works…' He sat up and motioned to himself, trying to gather his strength again. 'I still get these freak-show nightmares, a-about being thrown in prison, and watching myself and Simon grow old and alone and beaten up and hurt and miserable –' he stopped himself as a sob threatened to escape his lips. 'It's so wrong, but I – I love him so much – it literally hurts!' He placed a hand to his chest. 'It's like this gorgeous feeling when I see him, then in comes the shame and the guilt and the disgust I feel about it, and it turns into this monster clawing at me like it would rather have me without a heart than feel this way about my own brother –' he turned away before the tears could start again. 'I'm sorry, Theodore…' he whispered. 'I don't know… how to handle it all…'

Theodore just stared at Alvin in bewilderment. 'So you… you want to be with Simon..?'

'There's fantasy and reality…' Alvin nodded. 'And being with… Simon, is a complete fantasy…' He stubbornly wiped his tears away. 'And strictly forbidden…' he added, but found himself getting emotional again. 'Probably why it happened…' he said bitterly. 'My punishment for being… a – a little _jerk_ those years ago… for putting fun above everything else… for breaking the rules…' he thrust his hands in front of him. 'Here you go, Seville, break this one! Fall in love with your younger brother and wallow in despair because you're a disgusting _freak_.'

'Y-you're not a freak, Alvin,' Theodore tried consoling.

Alvin chuckled doubtfully. 'Weren't you listening..?' He mused. 'I'm in love with _Simon_. In case I wasn't clear: Simon _Seville_, my brother, five minutes younger than me – a _boy_ whose DNA matches mine so much that we're _legally_ not _allowed_ to fall in love –'

'Yeah, but at least you can stop fighting so much.' Theodore tried.

'I have to fight with him…' Alvin declined the idea. 'I-if I don't… I'll crack, I'll tell him everything, I-I might even do something _really_ stupid and kiss him –' he both cringed and felt a chill of satisfaction at the thought. 'It's better I push him away…' he smiled to himself despite his shame. 'Besides… he's strangely attractive when he's mad at me…' he hadn't realised he'd said it out loud.

Theodore blushed, not quite knowing how he felt about this development. 'Why don't you try… telling him..?'

Alvin's breathing got rather erratic. 'Tell him? T-tell – _tell_ – a-are you insane?' He panicked. 'Can you even _imagine_ how he would react – I – I – I'd rather die alone, _thank you very much_ – there's no way I'll – I won't –' he groaned and put his head in his hands again. 'Telling him… would be disastrous, a-and pointless… and I don't think I-I could do it…'

'I could… if you want…' Theodore offered.

'Oh, good lord, Theodore, please –' he shook his head up at Theodore. 'Don't – don't _ever, ever, __**ever**_ tell Simon how I feel about him – not _one hint_, Theo, god – I couldn't – I couldn't stand it if he knew and I wasn't the one who told him – h-he'd go around for a week giving me these looks and I-I wouldn't know if he knew or if he was just being weird – and then he'd confront me –' he closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself down before looking at Theodore evenly. 'Theodore… Simon could send me to prison.' He explained. 'He could disown me and charge me for incest abuse, just by the fact that we've shared a _room_ before. Mentioning how we used to get changed in front of each other, how we _used_ to take baths together – put that in the mix and I'd be in for life.' He held Theodore's gaze. 'Do you understand how serious this is?'

Theodore nodded. 'Yes…' he looked down. 'B-but… I mean… you're not… hurting anyone…'

Alvin had to smile. 'Slap that on a board and you're ready to join the Gay Rights community.' He commented. 'Of course it doesn't hurt anyone… but it's not right. Not natural. Let's not even go there about what would happen to you or Dave.'

'What would happen?' Theodore questioned.

'Well, first of all, we'd lose our fame…' Alvin shrugged. 'So, there goes our career. Dave's job. Then, while you're still in school, you'll get bullied for being my brother. People will assume that I've… done things, to you. That I've… touched you in a way that brothers shouldn't touch.' His expression matched one of distaste.

Theodore tilted his head curiously . 'You wouldn't, right?' He asked hopefully.

Alvin smiled reassuringly at his baby brother. 'I'd never do that to you.' He promised. 'How could I anyway? You're allergic to impurity.' He chuckled. 'Sneeze every time someone says sex –'

On cue, Theodore sneezed rather loudly.

'See? I can't get around that.' He bit his lip. 'Simon is… another matter…'

'I didn't realise you liked him so much…' Theodore said softly. 'I'm… kind of relieved, actually…' he admitted.

Alvin raised a brow. 'Seriously?' He questioned. 'You're relieved that I fell in love with the one person that hates my guts? You're relieved that your big brother wants to kiss the other one?'

Theodore blushed. 'You really want to… kiss, him?'

'You bet.' Alvin nodded shortly, trying to be casual about it.

'I'm relieved because that means you don't _really_ want to fight with him.' Theodore explained. 'You'd rather hug him if you had your way…'

_If I had my way with Simon, hugging would be the least fun…_ Alvin smirked at Theodore's innocence. He truly treasured it. 'Yeah, I'd smother him with affection.' Alvin nodded. 'I'd tell him how much I love his eyes, and how they remind me of the hazard through a tornado, how they get darker when he's mad and shimmer when he's excited…' he smiled and leaned back against his elbows. 'I'd tell him everything…'

Theodore frowned in concern at Alvin. 'You think Simon would take it so badly..?'

Alvin slowly nodded. 'He'd kill me…' he said softly, then looked at Theodore properly. 'You're taking it better than I thought you would.'

'I _feel_… shocked…' Theodore admitted. 'It's definitely not what I was expecting, but… I don't know… it makes sense to me, too…'

'Makes sense?' Alvin repeated.

'Well, yes…' Theodore shrugged. 'They say opposites attract. They say people argue when they like each other. You guys are exactly like that…'

Alvin nodded in consideration. 'Mm… shame he just argues with me for the opposite reason…' he lamented. 'Then again, even if he felt what I felt… if he wanted to be with me… i-it's hopeless, anyway… either we lose our fame and maybe be sent to prison… or we keep it to ourselves and be miserable because we'd always have to cover our relationship up, we could never reveal the truth…'

Theodore kept silent. He tried to muster all the seriousness that Alvin was talking about, but he would rather see the two in love than fighting. He saw it as a solution, not a crime. A feeling, not an offence.

He knew he couldn't get society to think that way, but he hoped he could get Alvin to. After all… this was the biggest secret Theodore had ever been burdened to carry.

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**Onwards! Thanks for reviewing!**


	3. Suspicion

**And onwards :p Thanks for the reviews and favourites so far!**

**Enjoy!**

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**T**

The youngest of the trio had his loyalty tested not three days later, when he had come up the stairs to try and find a page of instructions Eleanor had given him on cooking a lemon-meringue pie.

From the music room down the hall, Theodore could hear Simon playing the piano and took it as a relief that Simon was too busy to talk to him. Ever since that night Alvin told Theodore about what he was going through, Theodore felt any conversation with Simon was too risky – he could spill this secret under pressure, and he severely wanted to avoid that.

Once he found his slip of paper, Theodore started out of the room and down the hall.

'Is that you, Teddy?' Simon called.

Panicking, Theodore stopped. 'Y-yes,' he returned.

'Oh, good,' Simon went on. 'Could you come in here for a moment?'

Theodore swallowed nervously, but did as requested and trekked back up the hall and towards the music room, where he entered and noted Simon still at the piano, looking far from suspicious and more or less excited.

'Thanks, Theo.' Simon smiled. 'I just… I needed to clear my head, so I was just playing around with the piano and – this melody,' he ran his fingers artfully over the notes and produced one of the sweetest four bars Theodore had heard in a long time. 'I need to record it for later,' he turned to Theodore now, the last note striking pure to end the phrase. 'Could you hold the camera for me?'

'Sure,' Theodore smiled, now, just as excited. 'I really think Dave's going to love it.'

Simon smiled in modest thanks and adjusted his glasses over his grey eyes. 'I'm just hoping that Alvin will…' he relayed with a sigh, turning back to the piano.

Theodore froze for a moment before responding. 'He has to like it.' He insisted.

'Mm…' Simon hummed. 'He has to sing what goes with it, that's all…' he forced a smile. 'You know how difficult he can be with those things… Dave's had to either scrap or modify at least sixty songs because of Alvin's… fastidious, taste.'

'Yeah, but he hasn't heard any of your songs.' Theodore pointed out, carrying over the camera.

Simon nodded and watched as Theodore stood beside him with the camera. 'That's because I don't want him to turn them down.' He explained. 'But… I have a feeling about this one.' He tilted his head and looked down at the keys. 'Maybe if I prepare it enough, he'll… somehow, miraculously, out of pure chance… he might like it.'

Theodore was aching to tell Simon that Alvin would love it, that Alvin would love anything Simon created. But he held his tongue. Somewhat. 'I bet he'll love it.'

'Thanks, Teddy.' Simon smiled, and shifted comfortably. 'Alright, is the camera ready?'

'I think so.' Theodore turned the dial to "record" and held the button ready.

Simon gave Theodore an "okay, go" and started to play. Theodore quickly took the video, again surprised by the tune coming out of the piano. Simon repeated the four bars nine times – that was the norm for a verse. One four-bar intro, and eight bars with the singer.

Theodore was fairly certain that he wasn't keeping the camera steady, but it was just a recording anyway. Once Simon was done, Theodore clicked off the recording and set the camera down, still thoughtful about Alvin's predicament. The youngest couldn't believe Simon would take it _too_ badly. Sure, some shouting. But that was normal anyway.

'Hey, Theo?' Simon began in a thoughtful voice.

'Yeah?' Theodore replied uncertainly.

Simon was silent for a moment before he stood. 'Just… correct me if I'm mistaken,' he began, 'but: have you been avoiding me?'

Theodore took a moment before responding due to the fact that he didn't want to lie or tell the truth in this answer. 'N-no,' he achieved. 'O-otherwise I wouldn't be in here with you.'

'Is there something going on that I should know about?' Simon continued sceptically, folding his arms now.

'Why would there be..?' Theodore asked in a small voice, feeling more interrogated than he should have done.

Simon frowned slightly. 'I don't know… you've been very evasive lately and I'm just curious.' He looked down for a moment. 'Might have something to do with why Alvin's not capable of keeping eye contact. I can't help but feel you two are acting suspicious around me.'

Theodore was starting to feel cornered. _What do I do? Reassure him? How do I do that without telling him about Alvin's secret? I don't want him to feel bad!_ 'Nothing's… going on.' Theodore got out. 'You don't need to be suspicious.' He looked down and fiddled with his shirt.

'Okay,' Simon nodded, putting on a smile. 'I trust you.' He shrugged. 'So… maybe tomorrow you can give this piano tune a backbeat for me?' He asked, motioning to the camera.

'Y-yeah, that's fine.' Theodore smiled in relief. He had no idea that Simon was reading him like a book. In fact, Theodore should have suspected Simon's continuing distrust – the intellectual brother didn't leave anything alone until he knew everything, even if it turned out to be nothing major in the end.

Later, Theodore would curse his naivety. But now he just felt lucky to avoid more of Simon's prying.

Simon gave him one last smile before he headed out of the room.

**S**

It was too coincidental not to be suspicious.

Simon drummed his fingers against his desk as he waited for his computer to start up. He didn't like this wait that he was putting himself through. Not the computer; figuring out Alvin and Theodore's actions.

From the expression on Theodore's face, whatever that was going on wasn't his idea. Surprise, surprise, it was obviously Alvin's.

That wasn't as reassuring as you'd think. In fact, Simon got more and more concerned.

He felt a little like he did at school when the jocks would whisper to each other – like some conspiracy was going on about him, like they were plotting against him, like he was about to get hurt one way or another.

If he was younger, more naïve, he would have tossed this aside as something he clearly was left out of for his best interests. Like a surprise party or something.

_I was a dreamer when I was little…_ he smiled to himself, loading his Chemistry report.

Whatever was going on, he was going to get to the bottom of it. And he was going to do it cleverly. Instead of demanding it from Theodore, and getting his little brother upset, he was going to wait until the two _both_ slipped up. That way it wouldn't be just one person's fault and no one could blame the other.

He wanted to crack Alvin, first, so that Theodore didn't feel so guilty.

And he knew it would be easier to get to Alvin – he had a knack for doing that. Whether through civil talk or… regrettable shouting, he'd get his response.

He leaned back with a sigh and looked down at the desk in thought. He didn't like being so scheming, honestly. If things were different, he would rather sit down and talk to his brothers together, and tell them how this made him feel isolated, left out, and how that wasn't something brothers should feel amongst each other. He'd tell Alvin that it was hurtful. He'd tell Theodore that he didn't have to do whatever Alvin told him to.

But he knew all too well how that would pan out.

Alvin would sit there glaring at Theodore if he said the wrong thing, pressuring the youngest into silence. Alvin would remain stubborn and get even more detached if Simon were to mention the concept of "feelings". And the intellectual boy would end up feeling worse, perhaps to the point of on-the-spot melancholy. And looking weak in front of his brothers was the last thing he wanted to do. Ever.

So he would _have_ to do this – he had no other choice but to single them out individually to generate his desired response – to start putting together the puzzle that remained. Sure, he could blame this on his constant curiosity about everything around him; but this was something that made him _feel_ like he deserved to know.

And no way on Earth would he let Alvin slip anything by him.

**A**

Alvin woke before he could yell that early morning.

The dream he had just witnessed was even worse than his other ones. He felt as if he _couldn't_ yell.

_Oh, man, I hope Theodore can keep quiet…_ he thought as his sapphire eyes scanned the dark ceiling above him. _If Simon finds out from Theodore… who wouldn't know how to explain it properly… it would be… chaos. _

He steadied his breathing and tried calming his thoughts down. _It's been a week… that's more than Theodore's ever kept a secret for… _he frowned slightly. _If only he'd stop being so conspicuous about it when Simon's around… he's lucky Simon's too busy with other things to pry… all he needs to do is act like it never happened… heck, I've been doing that for months…_

Alvin sat up gently, looking miserably down at his lap. 'It's only these stupid nightmares that won't go away…' he whispered, trying to be casual about it. He liked being able to do this: it convinced himself that he had nothing to worry about. 'Or these… ridiculous feelings…' he tried a breathy chuckle. 'All this fame… and adoration… all those stunning girls… and I manage to fall for _him_…' he shook his head with a sad smile. 'Hilarious…' he looked up at the ceiling. 'Honestly, am I not a freak enough? I'm part chipmunk, have this ridiculous voice – who _knows_ how my ancestors evolved this way – my father abandoned me, my mother pretty much did, too, I was taken in out of sympathy, I fail miserably at being the eldest, spent my whole life trying to make up for that by being popular – and to top it all off? I'm romantically attracted to my brother…' he nodded down once before looking up to the ceiling again. 'Thanks for nothing!' He yell-whispered bitterly.

Groaning, he lay down again and tried to shake off both the dream and the self-criticism.

He should have expected the likes of this dream after telling Theodore.

This time, Theodore had told Dave about his older brother's feelings, and Dave had turned around and put both Alvin and Simon in prison himself. Alvin had felt helpless, and more guilty than ever for dragging Simon into something that the bespectacled boy didn't even know about.

And then it all happened again: Alvin watched helplessly as Simon grew old in front of him, getting beaten and bashed and ridiculed for something that was neither his fault nor his choosing. Decay, misery, blame – the last things Alvin saw in the swirling grey eyes he loved so much, before the body went limp and Alvin woke.

It had been more terrifying than ever.

Alvin checked the time beside him; 2:23AM. He sighed heavily and focused on something else. Of course, there were pros and cons to feeling this way.

The only pro Alvin could think of, was that he always could fall into pleasant thoughts after his nightmares. He'd imagine Simon's sarcastic smooth voice telling him fondly "You're an idiot… do you really think your family would ever hurt you that way..?" his smile would be that priceless 'I know everything' smile, the one that reached to his eyes and made it seem more like some sort of smirk than anything else.

It was about the only thing in the world that soothed Alvin. That low voice… those calm eyes… that charming smile…

Before he knew it, Alvin was smiling, too. His sapphire eyes closed and he felt as at ease as he could, just imagining he and Simon sitting beside each other. The comfort and security that came with his intelligent half…

Sleep would come thankfully, this time. There was no room for nightmares anymore.

* * *

**Still more to come! Thanks again guys :)**


	4. Confrontation

**Also I have realised that posting during weekdays is impossible 'cause I'm at university, so basically, I'll be posting chapters Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday (in Australian timezone of course). Anyway.**

**Short chapter, but I wanted to keep the suspense up, sorry I'm cruel -**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**A**

Oddly enough, when Alvin woke at a reasonable hour of the morning, Simon was actually sitting on the side of his bed.

Alvin sat up in alarm. 'What the hell are you doing in here?' He demanded, self-consciously pulling the covers over his chest.

Simon returned with a sort of calm smile. It made the eldest more wary than ever. 'We need to talk. Don't we?'

_Oh my god… _Alvin's first instinct kicked in and he froze with what he hoped was an inconspicuous look. 'What do you mean?'

Simon raised a brow. 'Interesting.' He commented, standing with a smirk in place.

Alvin frowned, then. 'What?' He asked. 'What's interesting? What do you want to talk about?' He felt himself get slightly desperate. _Does he know..? Is he playing with me for revenge..?_

'You know exactly what I want to talk about.' Simon nodded Alvin's way, and purposely gave him a smirk. 'Don't you?'

_What the heck is going on here..?_ Alvin gathered his wits and played it cool. 'I have _no_ idea what you're talking about.' He promised. 'You're a paranoid person. Now get out of my room.'

Simon tutted and moved around the room slowly as if he were interested in the contents. 'I'd like you to play the first move, Alvin…' he said casually. 'Pretend I don't know.' He turned slightly, looking over his shoulder. 'And tell me the truth yourself.'

Alvin's heart went into overdrive. _"Yourself"..? Does that mean Theodore told him..? Oh, god, Simon, stop talking in riddles!_ 'D-did Theodore t-tell y-you..?' He asked before he'd thought about it.

'Hmm?' Simon turned.

'Did Theodore… did he – god, Simon – what –' Alvin lifted his hands to his head. 'What the heck are you talking about?'

Simon advanced on Alvin. 'No, you said "did Theodore tell you?".' He repeated, pointing at his brother curiously, then looking down in calculation. 'And you were stammering.' He frowned at Alvin. 'What's going on, Alvin?'

Alvin realised he'd been tricked. 'I thought you said you knew!' He accused frantically, lifting himself up and standing in front of Simon. 'Did you seriously just come in here and _trick_ me into telling you something's going on? Fine! Yes! Something is going on! You know what, though: when is something _not_ going on?!'

'Usually these things involve _all of us_!' Simon retorted bitterly. 'You and Theodore are doing something behind my back, Alvin – I don't know what – maybe you told him something important, maybe you're plotting something against me, or maybe you don't want me in on it because I'm such a boring geek! Nothing – not _one_ scenario is there – that I don't have a right to know about!'

'I knew I shouldn't have told Theodore!' Alvin cursed, starting to pace the room in hysterics. 'He _sucks_ at keeping secrets!' He rounded on Simon. 'You don't have_ any_ right to know about something that doesn't concern you!'

'I am your brother!' Simon shouted, and watched in shock as Alvin cowered.

Alvin stared at Simon in fear, backed up to his bed; he fell to a sitting position and his eyes searched the room in what seemed anxiety. It was like all of his nightmares. All of them. Someone would always scream at him reminding him that Simon was his brother. When it was Simon doing it, it hurt the most.

This was like living in the nightmare.

Simon kneeled in front of Alvin worriedly. 'I-I'm sorry, Alvin, I know I was too harsh…' he leaned up a little and held Alvin's shoulders, surprised further to feel how violently Alvin was trembling. Peering closely, Simon could see the sapphire eyes glassy and brimming with tears.

'P-please just go…' Alvin murmured, closing his eyes as if he felt Simon's gaze on them.

'Alvin, I don't understand…' Simon went on in concern. 'Is something hurting you? Are you – are you depressed?'

Alvin bit his lip and shook his head, determined to keep the tears from falling. 'Drop it, Simon…' He pleaded.

Simon almost did. But he was so confronted by Alvin's state that he had to go on. 'Why can you tell Theodore but not me..?' He asked gently. 'You know… I…' he pursed his lips. These next words were going to taste sour. 'I-I love you, a-and –'

'Please don't say that,' Alvin looked away.

'What?' Simon pulled back and stood, confused now. 'Why?' If he was totally honest with himself, Simon was actually quite offended by that. 'Alvin, I've never told you that before,' he reminded, 'do you realise how hard it is to say that to you? I-I – don't you – don't you feel the same?'

Alvin whimpered and shook his head down to his lap, a tear escaping.

Simon could almost feel the knife at his heart. 'I-is that what it is..?' He guessed. 'You hate me so much… that you… you don't even feel an _ounce_ of care for me? A-are you saying you don't want me to be your brother?'

'No,' Alvin shook his head and met Simon's gaze as best he could now that tears fogged his vision. 'No, I do c-care about you,' he promised desperately, 'I would n-never ask to change you…' he looked down. 'I promise, Simon… this isn't a-about you…'

'Then say it,' Simon sat beside Alvin gently. 'Tell me you love me.'

Alvin choked back a sob and tried to muster the words. He could – he had them on standby if Simon ever found out – but he could barely find the way Simon wanted to hear them. His brotherly affection had all but disappeared since his feelings developed. One love swapped with another love so intense that it scared Alvin too much.

He screwed his eyes shut and told himself to say it. 'I –' he stopped as Simon put a finger to his chin to face him. Alvin's look pleaded with Simon. 'Simon –'

'I need to trust you.' Simon spoke soothingly. 'We're brothers and we should be comfortable doing this. I want to be sure that you mean it when you say to me that whatever's going on, isn't something I need to worry about… just try and show me that I can trust you.' He smiled softly. 'And I can't tell anything if you don't show me your eyes.'

'S-Simon, I…' Alvin felt as if it was a battle simply to remain in Simon's view. He tried to stop overthinking it. Lord, how he tried. 'Simon, I love you,' he turned away before he could see Simon's reaction, his heart wrenching at the confession.

Simon couldn't help but feel more than reassurance. There was something off about that "I love you", but he couldn't pinpoint it. It wasn't untruthfulness, no… no, Alvin had meant it. The honesty was actually quite shocking. The younger shrugged it off as being an uncommon word in Alvin's vocabulary.

He hesitantly lifted an arm around Alvin's shoulders and pulled him close, resting his head on Alvin's. 'Thank you…' he said softly. 'You know I'll always be here for you… when you're ready, you can tell me what's happening… but I won't beat it out of you again like this…' he promised. 'Brothers have to be honest… but also patient…' He got out a chuckle. 'And I need some practise on the latter.'

Alvin was so relieved it was amazing. He hadn't blown it. Simon was still oblivious! He had to smile, and allowed himself to enjoy Simon's half-embrace. 'And I need some practise on the first.' He replied softly. _See, Simon..? Even there we complete each other…_

Simon quickly retracted his arm and stood. 'I'll… um, see you later.' He offered a smile.

'Yep…' Alvin nodded, not looking up.

* * *

**More on its way tomorrow!**


	5. Conflict

**Story continues! Thanks so much for your reviews guys :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**S**

Well, that had been weird.

Simon took a moment to replay what exactly had just happened, why Alvin had reacted the way he did.

Everything was even more intriguing than it had been before.

And, since Alvin had cracked and admitted something was going on, it was time to hit the home run, for his and Alvin's own good.

Of course, he would find his win with Theodore. This had been his plan from the start. Knowing that Alvin had admitted part of the "secret" would only encourage the youngest. Especially if Simon didn't reveal how much – or how little – he really knew.

He found Theodore in the kitchen. The green-clad Seville was just tying an apron around his waist and had an array of not yet opened baking utensils. His expression was one of determined excitement.

That is, until he saw Simon.

'Hey, Si!' He was already too chipper. Even for being Theodore.

_Sometimes, it's just too easy…_ Simon thought, pursing his lips and approaching Theodore with more purpose. 'Theo, I think we need to talk for a second.' He said it kindly.

Theodore's green eyes were already shimmering in fear. 'O-okay…' He just nodded, trying to figure out if he should spill or not. Simon's seriousness was cause for him to be truthful, he thought. The calmness about Simon wasn't fooling the youngest. Simon was being cautious, careful, and calculating.

The older of the two lead the younger into the joining living room, and Simon motioned Theodore to sit. When the youngest did so, Simon took a seat on the coffee table opposite him, still with that calm look.

'Alright, Theo…' Simon began gently, keeping Theodore's gaze continuously in reassurance. 'I'm starting to understand what you and Alvin have been keeping from me…' he lied. 'A-and… well, Alvin refused to tell it to me clearly.'

'Y-you talked to Alvin about it?' Theodore blinked, both scared and hopeful. 'What did he tell you?'

Simon, starting to understand that this was something a little more serious than he'd initially thought, forced over a small blush and looked down with staged confusion. 'Just… bits and pieces…' He looked up at Theodore. 'I-I deserve to know exactly what's going on, don't you think?'

Theodore gave a set of small nods. 'You do…' he agreed. 'B-but it's n-not… my secret, to tell you.'

Putting on more of a show than he'd ever done before with Theodore, Simon leaned forward and placed a hand on Theodore's leg bracingly. 'All I need is the clear version.' He promised. 'Alvin's been… vague…' he took his hand away. 'I think you can understand why I'm not comfortable telling you what I think it's all about…'

When Theodore nodded, Simon mentally ticked another box. This was personal. It was either embarrassing for Alvin, or something concerning Simon directly.

'H-he is.' Theodore nodded, giving in.

'Is… what..?' Simon couldn't help but be eager to find out. He couldn't believe his deceit was paying off – this was like a new trick he would be proud to say worked. 'It's okay, Theodore…' he promised. 'Alvin's already done the work… you're just… you're helping me. There's nothing wrong about that.'

Theodore shifted his green eyes down and up in consideration. But Simon was right. If Alvin had told him the pages, he just needed to give it a cover. Alvin had already broken the seal of the secret, there was no point Theodore linger any longer. If he could help Simon understand it all and accept it, then he would do so, happily.

'So… so, A-Alvin's…' Theodore found it oddly hard to say. He supposed that was the seriousness Alvin had been talking about. 'Simon,' he said, trying now to be casual. 'Alvin's in love with you.'

_What..?_

'And it's really not as bad as Alvin says it would be,' Theodore continued, regardless of Simon's now very frozen expression. 'He probably made it sound like it was the worst thing in the world… but I don't think it really is that bad.'

_Is this happening right now..?_

'Simon, he really cares about you…' Theodore went on timidly. 'More than anyone I've seen…'

_Stop talking…_

'I-I kept telling him you wouldn't overreact… you're not like that.'

_Stop… Theodore, stop._

'He's kept this for so long because he thought you wouldn't understand – I don't think he even understands it – but I think… you could…'

_Oh, god, please stop!_

'It's not like he could help it –'

'Stop!' Simon stood, emotions beginning to break out. 'I don't want to hear any more!' He shook his head, hesitating for a moment before dashing out of the room.

Theodore stood, too, watching Simon disappear. He wanted to follow, and ensure that Simon knew that it wasn't bad. This wasn't bad.

It wasn't.

Was it?

**S**

'What have I done?' Simon frantically paced his basement, talking to himself in hysterics. 'What have I done to make Alvin think about me like that?' He ran a hand through his stubbornly messy hair. 'How long has this been going on? Is it because of that time I lost my towel in the hall as he was coming out of his room –? Oh, god, or was he already attracted to me then?'

The bespectacled boy was beginning to feel quite sick. 'The amount of times he's seen my body… the amount of times… a-and he would have… would have thoughts… thoughts of… of me…' He stopped himself, his hands on his bench top to keep himself steady. 'There are boundaries… you – you don't cross… typical… so typical – typical Alvin: here's another rule he wants to break –!'

Simon groaned loudly and slammed his hands against the table in frustration. 'Why the **_heck_** would he do this?!' He demanded. 'Who does he think he is?! How could he mess with me like this?! Is this some sort of new competition to him? Another fight? Is he in love or is he saying that to freak me out? Is this all some revolting prank? God, Alvin!' Simon shoved himself back, running his hands through his hair again. 'What did I **_do_** for this to happen?! Weren't we clear enough while fighting?! There _was_ no relationship between us! We didn't _have _that affection! What the _hell_ sparked him to want me that way?!'

He couldn't – just couldn't – understand what why or how Alvin could feel the way he did.

Simon's mouth opened in shock and repulsion. 'He said it! He said it to me! Not an hour ago! He told me straight to my face that he – that he –' he reminded himself to breathe. 'He broke down when I yelled that I was his brother… That's what it was. He didn't want the reminder. He's… he's ashamed…' Simon looked up at the ceiling where Alvin would be, two stories up. 'Rightly so…' he nodded in, slightly maniacal, reassurance of himself. 'A-and then I went and made him… made him say it…'

_"__Simon, I love you…"_

'And **_I_** said it!' Simon gasped, cursing himself. 'I told him I loved him! Great! Three guesses how he took that! No wonder we could never say it to each other before, because he was going to end up with the_ other_ kind of love –' he blew out a heavy breath and tried to calm down.

'I need to figure out how I'm going to go about this…' he reasoned. 'Do I want Alvin to know that I know? Do I care if he gets angry at me for tricking them both into telling me? Especially after I told him I trusted him…' He shook his head. 'No, I'll keep it to myself for as long as possible…' he decided. 'I'll tell Theodore that I'm uncomfortable with it and that he shouldn't bring it up… he'll understand… he will – he doesn't seem to, though.' Simon frowned. 'He told me it wasn't as bad as it seemed. It's… it's every bit as bad as it seems. It's terrifying. Does he understand what it feels like to know that a boy you've grown up with all your life, now looks at you differently – that your whole brotherhood is thrown out the window –' Simon could feel the sour thought. Nothing was right now. It was all different. Their arguments were never going to be the same, their family would never be the same. The way they shared those rare inside jokes, like Theodore's unnatural innocence, or Dave's complicated love life… the humour was lost to Simon, now.

Tainted. Corrupted. Foul.

He couldn't believe he hadn't picked up on it.

Kudos to Alvin: he'd hidden it well. Very well. Too well. That wasn't fair, not at all. Simon still believed he had a right to know – even know, scared and shocked and disgusted, he still felt obliged to have known from the start.

Guilt…

Guilty that Alvin felt he couldn't tell him…

Shame that he was criticising Alvin not acting like a brother, yet _he'd_ never cared enough to even to suspect something like _this_ was going on.

No, for both of their sakes, he wasn't going to let Alvin know that he knew. Not yet. It had to be the right moment, the right place. Maybe he wouldn't even need to tell him; maybe Alvin would be able to see it in the way Simon knew he would act. He wouldn't mean to do it, to be tentative and repulsed and sorry for Alvin… but he knew it would come through whatever he told himself.

He just didn't know what else to do.

And he wanted to confront Alvin about it, but at the same time… hearing the words again, hearing Alvin confirm it all… it would make it far too real. And right now, Simon didn't need any more confirmation. Or, he supposed, denial.

He knew Alvin. He would deny this like crazy, and Simon certainly wasn't in the mood to counter that denial. He'd rather agree with it.

* * *

**Ah I enjoyed writhing this story so much... more to come! (This one's the longest so far)**


	6. Breaking Ignorance

**Chapter as promised, a bit late but hey life is life and I forgot :p**

**I will keep you no longer! Enjoy!**

* * *

**A**

So Simon was once again off the trail.

Alvin could continue his usual nightmares in… peace.

He could also be quite proud of Theodore, which was a relief and a calming thought. The youngest, naivest of the three was doing okay – especially if Simon had decided to come to Alvin about it rather than Theodore.

And, through it all, Alvin managed to share a tender moment with Simon. Even if it wasn't the kind of affection Alvin _really_ hoped for… it was still nice.

That had been a week ago now, though. Not much had happened between them since. Not… not much at all, actually. It was both a shame and a relief. Alvin shrugged it off as Simon trusting him about what he and Theodore were hiding from him.

So he should: it was for his own good.

There was no way Simon could gain any pros from knowing his older brother thought of him the way he did. Alvin was doing him the biggest favour in the world.

And hats off to Theodore, who was acting less weird about it, therefore keeping the secret well concealed. He barely came across as awkward, now, during family meals or movies. The only time he was a little off was when the three brothers were alone, and he regularly excused himself from the room with ridiculous little excuses like "I need some fresh air" or "I'm hungry, so I'm going to go watch TV".

That was his latest one, that afternoon, as he moved out.

Unusually, Simon didn't follow him.

Simon had been doing that each time, but it didn't seem very suspicious. More that, once Theodore found something to do, he did as well. Like the calm in the room had been stirred. Even Alvin stopped doing what he had been doing, finding something else to think about or do.

But, no, this time Simon was staying put.

Alvin glanced as inconspicuously as he could at his younger brother, taking every opportunity he could just to look at him. As was the norm.

He blushed and turned back to his comic when Simon caught him looking. He didn't see that Simon was blushing just as hard.

'So, Simon,' Alvin piped up, going through a routine casual tone. 'What are you working on these days?' He faked focus by flipping his page over. 'You're down in your basement a lot more than usual…'

'Not really,' Simon insisted in an odd curt voice. 'I've been working as much as I usually do.'

Alvin frowned at the tone, it threw him off a bit. 'Alright…' he tried to stop feeling awkward. It'd never really been this hard before. 'What _are_ you working on?'

Simon was staring hard at his textbook. 'A… i-it's a surprise.' He insisted. 'For… the Science Fair.' He hadn't been working on anything, to be honest. Just minor little things, like school assignments or homework. Not like the usual projects.

'The Science Fair…' Alvin repeated, getting slightly sceptical. 'You mean the one that was two months ago? Unless it's a time machine, Si, I'd say you're way too eager.'

'I like science.' Simon pointed out. It was amazing how these two could converse without even taking their eyes of their books. 'I thought you would have picked up on that by now.' He added with a small double-meaning.

Alvin nodded. 'Yeah, but… you're working on something for _next year_?'

Simon blew out a breath. 'Why do you care so much?' He returned, staring even harder at his book, hoping that sentence had come out with more bite than desperation.

'I was just trying to have a conversation.' Alvin replied evenly. 'Since we've hardly spoken since last week.' He shifted his sapphire eyes to Simon again. 'Are you still mad at me for that secret Theo and I were keeping from you?' He felt his stomach flip just thinking about the way Simon had forced the small confession from him. He knew Simon could get the whole thing out of him if the intellectual boy tried hard enough.

'No.' Simon promised. 'You're obviously doing it for my own good.' He bit his lip, trying so hard not to break cover by sounding bitter. In a way, Alvin had been doing him a favour. But he stood by that he should have known from the start.

Alvin closed the comic he was reading gently and placed it down, curiosity getting the better of him – too much, he knew. He could make Simon pry again by interrogating his younger brother. 'Why are you acting so passive?'

Simon turned his page, but Alvin could see that his grey eyes weren't travelling. 'I'm trying to do some research.' He insisted. 'Is that a problem?'

'Oh, come on, Si,' Alvin scoffed, 'we both know you don't need to do any research. You know everything. Especially in Physics.'

'I have a question,' Simon piped up, the bitter tone slightly seeping out. 'Might I ask why you're calling me "Si" even though you're annoyed at me?'

Alvin flushed, glad Simon still wasn't looking at him. 'I guess I'm trying not to be annoyed.'

Simon saw the blush out of the corner of his eye. 'I didn't realise reading a textbook was a crime, now.' He went on regardless, still in that eerily civil voice.

'Si, I –' Alvin cursed himself. 'Simon… what are you trying to do?' He questioned, pressing for this despite his brain warning him not to. 'Are you trying to trick me into telling you about that secret again?'

'That secret…' Simon let out a slight, hostile chuckle. 'You're bringing it up more than I thought you would. Do you want me to keep trying? You know I could find out eventually.'

Alvin quickly told himself to shut up. 'You're just acting… off.' He insisted.

Simon nodded down to his book. 'Because you're an expert on how I act, now. Aren't you?' He allowed the knowing tone.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Alvin felt his heartbeat quicken, but he wasn't sure why.

'It's called a sarcastic insult, Alvin.' Simon turned the page again, still not actually reading it. 'It's not unusual from me.'

Alvin found himself glaring at Simon. It was either this or desperation, and he knew where desperation was going to lead him. He just felt so angry – he knew Simon was up to something with that tone, the way he didn't look at Alvin, the way he seemed to be mocking his older brother.

Simon blew out a breath. 'I take it you're done harassing me?'

'Why aren't you looking at me, Simon?' Alvin demanded in a scarily even tone.

'Aw, what happened to "Si"?'

Alvin stood from his bed, his hands clenching into fists. 'I'm not joking, Simon, stop pretending to read and look me in the eye for once.'

Simon chuckled. 'Why should I?'

'I thought you said that's how we can trust each other.' Alvin stated.

'Yeah… that was nice, for you, wasn't it?' Simon went on. 'Just you and I alone in your room… admitting we love each other…'

Alvin suddenly wrenched the textbook from Simon's hands, tossing it behind him and glaring dangerously at his brother. 'Why did you say it like that?' He demanded, his voice raising. 'What has that got to do with anything? Simon, what do you know?'

Simon casually met Alvin's gaze, the slightest trace of a smile over his lips. 'I told you, Alvin: I trust that it's a secret for my own good.'

'What do you know?!' Alvin exclaimed, his arms on either side of Simon, pinning him to the bed.

'Get off me.' Simon said evenly, containing the fear he was beginning to feel at Alvin's trap. His eyes kept a lock with Alvin's. 'Now.'

Alvin did so almost immediately, backing away from Simon and shaking his head. 'You don't know anything.' He "realised". 'You're just doing it again, aren't you? Tricking me, so I'll tell you. You're making me think I need to start explaining myself. Well, I'm not falling for it.'

Simon sat up again, narrowing his eyes at his brother. 'You've got me all figured out, haven't you?'

'If you really knew what it was about, th-then…' Alvin shook his head again. 'Then you'd understand. I don't have you figured out. At all. As far as I know, you might already know what's going on. You might have known it for months, that's why our fighting has been so bad…' his words softened. 'If you really knew what was going on… you would… you'd know that… I'm sorry.' He felt his eyes gloss, and he hesitated before bolting out of the room.

**S**

Simon was cursing himself for being that close to a confrontation.

Alvin was actually more right that the alleged intellectual brother liked to admit: Simon didn't understand. And not just in the "why the heck does he have feelings for me" way, but he didn't even know the details, what started it, how long it had been going on for, what Alvin's intentions or feelings about it were.

He'd have to know these things before pelting Alvin with scathing remarks, as he had that afternoon.

So now, two days later, after rejecting the invitation to watch Alvin's basketball game, Simon was quite free to start doing some more tactical prodding. This time: on inanimate objects.

Like a diary.

That would have been the best way. But Simon should have expected Alvin not to keep one, when he wound up empty-handed after searching Alvin's nightstand.

Simon sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He wondered if being this obsessed was healthy, if he should in fact just let it be. Alvin certainly seemed to be able to do it, and he was the one in lo – with feelings…

'He had to have written something about it somewhere…' Simon murmured to himself as he scanned Alvin's niche of the room. _It's not exactly easy to deal with… maybe now, but I imagine he would have had to confide in something at first…_

He pursed his lips before kneeling down to peer under Alvin's bed.

'Into the abyss…' he scoffed, noting all the strewn schoolbooks, the stack of Math books –

Hang on.

'Why does he have so many?' Simon pulled out the pile of three 96-page workbooks. He figured the one on the bottom was the oldest and slid that one onto his lap first, opening it carefully, a little scared of what he'd find.

* * *

**Ah, I forgot this was a mild cliffhanger... maybe I'll post the next chapter tomorrow if I find the time :)**

**Until then, my friends - if you haven't watched the leaked episodes of the new show, you should get on that because Simon's sass is on-point and he and Alvin fight like they're a married couple again XD**

**I'll stop ranting now...**


	7. Perspective

**More for you!**

**Longest chapter so far, since it includes diary entry stuff, they'll be in bold so you can tell the difference :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Seeing actual Math work in Alvin's actual handwriting was a scary sight itself. Simon persisted. It would have been clever of Alvin to hide his thoughts in here. No way would anyone look through it.

If you weren't the object of his affection, that is.

Sure enough, after impatiently flipping through the book like an animated feature, a few pages near the back were scrawled on with much too much writing to be Maths.

Simon back-tracked eagerly to find the first entry.

Hardly an "entry". It wasn't dated and it didn't have hordes of writing, just large capital letters written diagonally so they could be even larger, traced over and over so they were thick and in bold: "**I CAN NOT BE FEELING THIS!**".

_If that's not about me I don't know what is…_ Simon touched a hand to it with a pained expression. Alvin had been really confused. _Where was I..?_ He wondered, and turned the page, not surprised that nothing was written on the back of the first part – it was pretty much ripped.

The next entry was a small paragraph, still undated.

_"_**_Apparently I __can__ be feeling this…"_ it read, Simon shifting comfortably to read eagerly. _"I can't believe after everything I've done to be normal, to be like everyone else, I still end up a freak. Me! __Gay__? I can barely believe it! I mean, okay, maybe I'm not gay… it __is_**_** only him I see like that. Which doesn't make it any better, of course. I don't know, maybe – hopefully – it's just a phase**."_

Simon bit his lip and looked to the next page, where there was a longer entry.

_"_**_Phase indeed… more like phase one. It's been a month! I still keep blushing every time he talks to me! I still feel those stupid sudden butterflies! His eyes still make me feel like a teenage fangirl! If anything, it's __worse__! Yeah: somehow, this got WORSE. I need help with this! I don't know what's happening to me!_**

**_If this goes on much longer, I'll have to tell him. I don't want to, I don't want this to be __another __thing that will make us distant. But I need to tell someone, knowing that they wouldn't tell anyone else. And like hell he'd tell anyone._**

**_Except maybe the police…_**

**_That's the worst part, isn't it, though? I KNOW the consequences. I KNOW it's illegal. With every fibre of my being, __I DO NOT WANT THIS__!_**

_**I hate it! I can't STAND the conflict going on in my head every second of the day**!"_

Simon sighed softly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep reading this. He didn't want to be sympathetic. He wanted to stay mad at Alvin, shout at him for being disgusting…

It wasn't good to know that Alvin was already shouting it to himself.

With a reluctant drive, Simon turned the page. The next one was dated, but… oddly. It looked more like a story than a rant, using proper tense and a great deal of description.

Simon stood up and sat down more comfortably on Alvin's bed, taking a few seconds to prepare himself for an onslaught of uncomfort before reading.

**"****9****th**** October 2014…"**

_Oh, wow, that was almost a year ago…_ Simon thought worriedly, continuing to read.

_"_**This is where it all began. Just in case it all gets too much, it's nice to think that someone might be able to know what's possessed me. I didn't even realise I'd been doing it, but conveniently, this is a Math book… and well, the person I fell in love with has a great passion for this subject. If anyone, I expect that person be the first to read this because of that.**"

'What does he mean "in case it all gets too much"..?' Simon muttered concernedly, hoping that Alvin had never considered… suicide, because of this. Surely not.

"**In saying that, Simon, I need you to keep reading.**"

Simon blinked. Alvin had expected this… maybe not him snooping, but he'd known Simon would look through the book at some point.

"**Like I said, it started on October 9th 2014. I was getting on your nerves again and you were playing around with mine, as you always do. I don't suppose you'd remember this day, or this event, but for me it's been a consistent prod at the back of my mind when I see you. How I punched you hard in the chest? Remember, you fainted from the impact on your lungs?**

**I was so scared, not just of getting in trouble, but because I'd never, ever, ever meant for it to get that violent. I could have sworn I stared at you for five minutes in shock and fear before I kneeled next to you, your eyes closed, not a trace of pain on your features, as if you'd been wiped blank.**

**I was frantic.**

**And as I stayed beside you, panicking and praying you'd be okay, I started to wonder why I hadn't gone to get anyone, yet.**

**Soon, I realised I was doing it out of selfishness. I wanted to be the person you woke up to, I wanted to prove that I wouldn't leave your side, I wanted to apologise without Dave's disapproval, or Theodore stealing the first hug.**

**I wanted you to appreciate me. More than I'd ever done before – and trust me, that's saying something.**

**I wanted you to look at me like you do, with that little smirk, and know it was just for me.**

**When you did wake up, I saw it. Confusion at first, a little "what happened?" a little bit of "you're a jerk", and then a slight smirk at me. You said to me: "You didn't run off? How sweet of you, Alvin."**

**And even though it was sarcastic, it was so you, and that's all I wanted.**

**Of course, it didn't take long to realise what exactly I meant by thinking that.**

**We were in Math in November, and you were showing the class how to differentiate by first principles. And when I started getting dreamy-eyed and smiling at you… well, I realised I only ever did that to girls I had serious attractions to.**

**After a day, I was obsessed with being around you. I hid it, though. My method was to annoy you to keep you talking to me, so I could hear your voice. So I asked for your help with homework, in every subject. I came down and pestered you in your basement, until you started to really shout. I even started encouraging Theodore to go to Ellie's more often, so that, when we were in our room in the afternoon, it was just you and me.**

**I apologise for that.**

**Looking back, I feel so disgusted in myself. There I was making you hate me more, when I was actually – simply – checking you out.**

**There's no excuse I can give for doing that. But I do know better now.**

**Soon, I started to feel ashamed and scared of my feelings. I'm sure you've seen the first page. That was three days' worth of attacking the letters with the same pen, trying to burn the message into my sick brain. My other two entries were just to clear my head. See, you kept getting up to teach Math, so I kept writing down my feelings to distract myself. Hence the Math book.**

**Of course, my feelings for you went further. Why else would I be writing this?**

**Jump to January 2015.**"

The writing was now in blue pen, Simon took that as another day's entry.

"**This is so hard for me to write, to admit. Especially thinking about you reading this… Simon, please don't disown me.**

**Don't you hate how inevitable things seem, when all you want is for them to go away? I kept saying to myself that nothing was going to amount from this "crush", that I wasn't going anywhere with it, that my attraction to you was a stupid little phase brought on by – you know, maybe – how you matured into such a strong, confident person.**

**I didn't realise it was going to include… other ways, you've matured.**"

'Here it is…' Simon frowned, flinching slightly. He was about to know exactly what Alvin wanted to do with him.

"**So it was a cold day, and I was just getting up to make myself a coffee, walked out of my room… and there you were.**

**Your body was glistening from the shower you'd just had, letting off a bit of steam in the cold air, I smiled to remember how much you hate the cold and how hot you make your showers…**

**Let me blame you here: you're the one who lost the towel. It's not like I yanked it down with my mind.**

**You'd only just seen me when it happened, your cheeks went red and so did mine.**

**I stared, shamelessly. My first look since my feelings developed. I felt my heart going haywire, my body erupting in fireworks and shivers long after you'd picked up the towel and walked away indigently, like you didn't care that I'd seen anything.**

**Good lord, Simon, why do you have to be so perfect?**

**With this major shift came the thoughts you'd expect would come… I can't tell you how sorry I am for it. For all of this. It was like the switch had been flicked and it was stuck there. I got in, but couldn't get out. Once desire came into play, Simon, I was forever doomed.**

**I slowly got over heavily sexual thoughts, after a few dreams, a few individual sessions… no, soon enough I started to get – I still don't know how to describe it properly – devoted, to you.**

**Getting a date to hide my sexuality change wasn't an option anymore. I felt too unfaithful. Especially since you were still single. Instead of wanting to pin you down and… well, you know – All I wanted was your first kiss. I fantasised about it constantly, about getting along with you and being madly in love…**

**Love was there from the start, but I identified it completely by April.**

**That was the best part of all of this mess. I started to really respect you, and because of that, I didn't feel guilty about my feelings anymore. I was safe just to want you to be happy, there was no harm in caring about you. It was like being your brother again, with just that hint of a want to show you how much I really loved you.**

**That's not so bad, right?**"

Simon turned the page, it was written differently again. Just a bit less neat.

**"****Sorry, I never finished… so… that last entry was two months ago. It's now July, and I take it all back: it's bad. It's very bad.**

**God, I feel so disgusting. Forget sexual stuff – that's not a main focus. That stayed the same, at least. Now it's all morals.**

**Simon, I hope with all my heart that you're not reading this, because you don't need to know. You just don't. It kills ****me**** to know about it, I don't want to put you through all this ridiculous mess. I don't want you to be involved at all, I couldn't forgive myself if you knew about it –**

**After our fight the other day especially. I know you hate me. That's why you can't ever know.**

**For a month I've been getting these horrific nightmares, and if you knew about the way I feel… then they'd just come true. Wouldn't they? You'd go around being weird, making hints at how disappointed or repulsed you are with me. Eventually, you'd confront me about it, and when I confess everything, you'd go straight to the police.**

**I feel so morally lost, but at the same time I have too much moral conscience. Maybe if I didn't have morals, I wouldn't care about how I feel about you. Maybe I'd pour my heart out to you and steal your first kiss like I "wanted". **

**I don't want it anymore.**

**I want you to be with someone who you can actually have a future with. I want you to have children, a wife, a nice house and the perfect life.**

**Anything is better than what I can offer you.**

**All I can sell to you is my love. My devotion and determination. Simon, I would fight for you like there's no tomorrow if you ever wanted to be with me.**

**But don't you dare.**

**We can't have a family. We can't get married. We can't live in peace – heck, we couldn't even tell anyone. The only thing I can give to you, Simon? Is the promise that I'll be in the cell next to you until our dying day, paying the price for the way I feel.**

**There's no point trying to convince myself it would work. That bed of roses is crippled. Especially by these nightmares… they're getting more frequent, too.**

**Thrice this week, twelve times this month. **

**I just hope I don't wake anyone up with all the yelling…**

**This is the last time I'm going to write about these feelings. As far as I'm concerned: they don't exist anymore. Simon, forgive me. I love you. I'm so in love with you, and I'm going to suffer for it. That's my cross to bear, not yours.**

**So this is me talking to your imaginary eyes, assuring you that I'll never let you feel this pain or confusion.**

**Yours forever,**

_**Alvin Seville**_"

Simon stared for a moment. He felt slightly shaky, and his eyes were glossy in early tears. He closed the book and closed his eyes for a second.

He was right to do this. He was glad he knew the whole story, now.

Well… almost. That entry had been three months ago.

But Simon could bet that Theodore's involvement would have been a major chapter, how he was scared of Theodore spilling the secret, how he had to be more careful than ever. How hard it was to tell someone.

Simon frowned, then, and looked down at the other two books. _So what's in these..?_ He asked himself, picking them up and opening the bottom one.

The bespectacled boy flushed at what he saw. At random, throughout the book, were little confessions of love amidst gorgeous drawings. None of them were explicit, most were just hands held, or shadows, or more realism drawings such as flowers or water. Alvin was excellent.

The last one was probably the most personal.

_It's me…_ Simon blushed, seeing his face drawn like this was… well, flattering. _He made me look… good… handsome, even…_

Underneath it, at the bottom of the page, was a little sentence:

_"__**You bring out the best in me…**"_

Simon felt his heart skip at the compliment, flattery and admiration coming on strong. He tore himself away from the book and closed it, opening up the latest one.

'Hey, wait a minute,' Simon blinked, scanning the writing again and again to make sure. He turned a page and his lips started to tug into a smile. Written on these pages were notations, the little squares of the Math book acting as a stave.

They were all his songs.

'He… he liked them…' Simon noticed, turning another page and admiring Alvin's perfect pitch. The next page had writing at the bottom.

_"_**_Why doesn't he show me these already..? I can't start singing them yet, otherwise he'll think I'm spying on him…_**

_**That nerd can play a piano, I'll give him that.**"_

It was dated, too, this one. Simon beamed with pride. 'This one was before he started having feelings for me.' He noted. It made him feel so much better – Alvin wasn't just doing it because he was biased, he legitimately liked Simon's songs.

Soon it went into the "crush" territory. Alvin added little adornments to the music with drawings underneath them.

He started writing lyrics to them, started to add guitar lines.

_I had no idea he was so immersed in my songs… he's practically got an album in here…_

Simon jumped as he heard the front door snap shut, and he quickly grabbed all of the books, piling them and pushing them underneath the bed again. He righted the misshapen items on the nightstand and brushed off Alvin's bed where he'd been sitting, then turned and tugged his Chemistry book out before kicking off his shoes and lying against his pillows on his own bed to read. Or, "read", he supposed, too full of information to try and focus on more.

'– know! I'm just getting my pyjamas! So I can dress in the bathroom… and –' he spotted Simon and froze. 'Simon.' He smiled a little. 'I thought you'd be in the basement.'

'Sorry to disappoint you.' Simon returned.

Alvin shook his head quickly. 'No, no, I just…' he sighed. 'Never mind.' He waved a hand passively and moved to his bed.

Simon pretended to read again. 'How was the game?'

'Uh…' Alvin began. 'Well, we didn't lose.' He shrugged and took his pyjamas out from under his pillow. 'The other team had this _crazy_ guy who was knocking everyone to the ground…' he shook his head in distaste. 'So we won the game, but one of my boys is out for the season. Broken collarbone and arm and kneecap.'

'Wow,' Simon lowered the book and scanned Alvin concernedly. 'Are _you _alright?'

Alvin turned with a smile. Simon knew what he was trying to hide. That was flattery: Alvin was happy Simon had asked him. 'A few bruises, I guess.' He nodded, non-committedly hugging his p.j's to his chest. 'I'm too quick for them, though.' He winked once, but blushed immediately after and sped-walked past Simon, muttering curses to himself.

Simon smiled, too. _That was…_ he re-imaged Alvin's smile, the little hopeful look, the way he acted shy like that. _It was… cute._

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**I can gladly say that there's still more to go! :D Next chapter should be up tomorrow, see ya then!**


	8. Acceptance

**Thank you for those reviews! **

**Short chapter again - trying to space it out. Alvin's segment here was basically my impatience that there was no outright Alvon stuff occurring, I know it's a little out-of-place but I couldn't help it. Things kinda start to spice up from now onwards.**

**But anyway. Enjoy!**

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**A**

'Why did I _wink_ at him?' Alvin finished ranting to himself as he stepped out of the shower. 'What was that? What kind of person winks at their brother?' He sighed and pointed to his reflection. 'Don't answer that.'

He looked back at the door, glad Simon was talking to him again. Maybe they'd needed a little spat to re-affirm traditional speaking terms.

Hopefully, it would last this time.

With one last ruffle of his wet hair, Alvin hung his towel up and started to get dressed.

'Alvin?' Simon called, knocking for a split second before the door began to open.

Alvin launched at it like some sort of stampede. 'A little bit _naked_, here!' He protested.

Simon chuckled on the other side and Alvin chided the way he swooned at the sound. 'Come on, it's nothing I haven't seen before.'

'Uh: not true!' Alvin corrected. 'We were eight last time we saw each other naked! Big changes since then, Si!'

'Geeze, you want to lay off the modesty, there?'

Alvin's blush went darker. 'What do you want anyway?'

Simon scoffed. 'To brush my teeth, genius. It's ten o'clock.'

'Give me five seconds, Simon!' Alvin said frantically, running and skidding to his clothes and hitching up his briefs like his life depended on it.

'I'm too tired to count.' Simon stated.

Alvin turned and felt another red blush spill across his cheeks. Simon was already inside, leaning against the doorframe and folding his arms. A tiny smirk on his lips.

'What have you got against privacy?' Alvin asked with a frown.

'You excuse it often enough.' Simon pointed out, making his way to where Alvin was standing. 'My turn, hotshot.'

Alvin felt rather frozen. He didn't want to move lest he draw attention to himself.

Simon placed his hands behind his back as he stood in front of his brother with a smile. 'What's with all the shyness, Alvin? You never cared before.' He bit his lip and placed a hand on Alvin's chest, spreading his fingers. 'You're body is perfect, and you know it.' He took his hand away and got his toothbrush out.

'Why…' Alvin felt the sparks shooting as they'd done those many months ago. He eventually decided not to question it, but he stayed more rigid than before the touch.

'Not a bad view from behind, either –'

'Simon!' Alvin's eyes went wide and he backed up frantically, hitting the bath and beginning to fall –

Simon caught him by the waist, much like he used to catch Jeanette whenever she tripped. He pulled Alvin up with a guilty smile. 'Sorry… I mean, i-it's not like I touched you.'

Alvin managed to break free of the hold. 'Si, please,' he shook his head. 'A bit weird, don't you think?' He accused. He forced a laugh and turned away from Simon. 'Come on, it – i-it's like you were flirting with me.'

'Wow, seriously,' Simon grinned, 'pull the reins on the modesty, please,'

'Okay, fine,' Alvin folded his arms. 'This is exactly why I don't want you seeing me naked.' He leaned against the wall stoutly.

Simon glanced at Alvin, toothbrush poised. 'You can get dressed, then,' he encouraged.

Alvin scoffed. 'Oho – no, uh-uh – I'm not bending over in front of you.'

That chuckle again. Simon just went on to brushing his teeth.

'You must be really tired…' Alvin went on softly. He pursed his lips, wondering if he could get away with some flirting of his own. He waited until Simon was done before asking a legitimate question first. 'Si, have you had your first kiss yet?'

Simon turned to Alvin with a small reluctant look. 'No, I haven't.' He admitted, turning back and washing his toothbrush. 'Why do you ask?'

Alvin felt delighted at the answer. 'I was just watching… telling myself you have really good dental hygiene… looking at your lips,' he blinked at his dare and turned away with a flinch. 'They just looked soft…' he murmured.

'Talk about flirting.' Simon put away his things and turned to Alvin thoughtfully, an arm leaning against the sink. 'Alvin, do you think I'm attractive?'

He'd asked it perfectly. It was so innocent, and a brotherly worry. He'd just complimented Alvin's body, and was wondering about his own. Alvin felt barely any shame to answer for his curious younger brother.

'You're unique, Si,' he began. 'People say we're twins, but you have such a sophisticated charm to you, my charm is just… I don't even know, the practised kind. It's the things you do that make you attractive. But, yeah, I mean your eyes are gorgeous… and your body…' he bit his lip and stopped talking, looking down.

'Thank you.' Simon smiled slowly, shyly. 'I suppose I'll let you get dressed.'

**T**

'What was in the book?'

'My songs, Theodore!' Simon yell-whispered excitedly the next day. 'He loved them! Even before his feelings for me – he told me I could "really play" –'

Theodore smiled hopefully. 'You just talked about his feelings for you.' He pointed out.

Simon bit his lip and smiled. 'Yeah, there was this other book,' he began, 'Let's just say I gained perspective.'

'Are you and Alvin talking about it more yet?'

'No…' Simon admitted. 'So you still need to keep quiet about it.' He added. 'He's too worried to hear it said out loud I think.' He smiled and shrugged. 'So I'd like to work on that song today.' He finished.

Theodore grinned. 'Yeah, that'd be awesome.' He nodded, excited to have some time behind the drums. There was so little after Dave had released their latest album a few months ago, their father figure was away a lot with campaigns, and to oversee remixes, copyright (for anyone wanting to reference their songs or use it in a movie or show), and other such things that accompanied the serious side of being a manager of such a popular band.

Simon quickly got to work on setting up their proper recording software. 'I didn't see this song in Alvin's book.' He said casually.

'Good, it can really be a surprise then.' Theodore smiled, settling himself behind his drum kit, fondly bringing out the green and bronze sticks to go with it.

'You know,' Simon turned to Theodore with a warm smile. 'You were right. Alvin's feelings aren't as bad as they seem… if he's so determined to hide them, then I don't have to be worried about anything.'

Theodore tilted his head. 'What would you be worried about?' He asked in confusion.

Simon shrugged and brought a wire to his piano. 'Well,' he began, 'It's just the things that are mostly associated with a serious relationship… you know, like if he had a serious desire to…' he bit his lip, remembering who he was talking to. 'Uh… kiss me.' He quickly corrected his thoughts.

'He does want to kiss you.' Theodore stated.

'What?' Simon turned to his little brother. 'He told you that? He actually admitted that he wants to kiss me?'

'Yeah…' Theodore nodded with a small shrug. 'He said "you bet" when I asked him.'

Simon could feel the blush spilling over his cheeks. 'Well… my point is that I don't think he'd act on it without my consent.' He continued to set up his piano.

Theodore shook his head. 'No, he wouldn't.' He agreed. 'He seems too ashamed about wanting to kiss you at all.'

'Yeah…' Simon blew out a breath before looking up at Theodore. 'Even though I can accept that he has feelings for me… I can't help but agree that he should be ashamed.'

'Just cause you're brothers?' Theodore guessed.

'Well, yes.' Simon brought another chord to Theodore's drums. 'Because it's illegal.'

Theodore's eyes flashed worry. 'You wouldn't put him in prison, would you?' He asked frantically, knowing that was Alvin's biggest fear.

Simon looked up at Theodore reassuringly. 'No.' He promised. 'Not without good reason, at least.' He added in retrospect.

'What reason would that be?' Theodore frowned.

'Uhm…' Simon turned to go back to his piano. 'If he took advantage of me. If he started to make me really uncomfortable – you know, if he got… perverted.' He sat down on his stool gently and turned to Theodore. 'I wouldn't do it unless it got _really _bad, or if he kept doing something even when I told him to stop.' He tilted his head. 'Like if he started staring at my body, and I told him it made me uncomfortable, and then he did it anyway.'

'Why would he stare at your body?' Theodore mused, checking his high-hat rigging.

Simon blushed again. 'Well, that's what people do when they're infatuated.' He explained. 'Actually, Alvin used to stare at my body like that. But he's stopped. A-anyway, long story short: I wouldn't get him arrested unless things got really incestuous.'

Theodore nodded, taking that as a solid "no". Alvin wouldn't ever dare make Simon _that_ uncomfortable.

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**Theo's so innocent XD Next chapter tomorrow!**


	9. The Confused and Freaked Out

**Thanks for the reviews! So good to hear from people again :D**

**So, same thing applies about Simon - just know that he's confused about how he should act around Alvin, that's why his approaches to Alvin change all the time. I think that's the excuse I'm going with... _there is no sex here, it might feel like it but it's not I'm just impatient_ \- honestly, I have a whole document for when I get impatient and skip ahead and write a sex scene... It's unhealthy and I apologize.**

**Anyway, enjoy the semi-lemons and the tugging around of emotions - I know I do :p**

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**A**

_Well… _Alvin thought in slight shock at himself, breathless, lying on his back with his knees up, jeans still half off as he caught his breath. _Haven't done that in a while…_

He rested his eyes tiredly.

This little private session was because of yesterday, when Simon had been talking about their bodies in the bathroom. Truthfully, Alvin didn't even know what possessed him to have the mindset to do it.

He was just remembering Simon's question "do you think I'm attractive?", and he kept thinking of all the things he wanted to tell Simon about his body…

Pretty soon, he got turned on.

So lead to this.

In all honesty, Alvin hadn't done this for about six months – six months ago was the last time he had lustful thoughts extending beyond his shame.

He didn't know why this was an exception. He was still ashamed. Very ashamed. Even more ashamed than usual because he'd had the nerve to get off to Simon's image again. He was lucky he didn't get caught – everyone was home!

The nerve!

_I'm such an idiot…_ he sighed, shaking his head and staying put. _He could be right outside the door… he could have been listening in while I went off the planet moaning his name…_

'Hey, Alvin, Dave said he's –'

'Shit –' Alvin hoisted his jeans quickly, not wanting to see his brother's expression.

Simon's cheeks went crimson quicker than ever, his grey eyes a little wider and his mouth slightly open. 'Were you just –?'

'No!' Alvin denied frantically, while clasping his jeans.

'You were!' Simon accused. 'Or you were about to – either way –' he cringed. 'Oh, god, never mind –'

Alvin bolted to his retreating brother. 'Look, I'm sorry, what were you saying?' He stopped Simon before the younger could get out the door.

Simon averted his gaze. 'Dave's on his way home with dinner.' He finished evenly. 'And I'd like you to take your hand off me, because I know exactly where it's been.' He shrugged his brother away and kept walking down the hall, a little more rigid than usual.

'I used the othe –!' Alvin shut himself up, groaning in self-annoyance and trudging back to his bed. 'Idiot!' He cursed, head in hands. 'Now what? Now if he finds out, he's just gonna think I'm some perverted freak! It's bad enough just being a freak! God – why the heck did I do that?!'

Unbeknown to him, Simon had turned to stay beside the door. His cheeks were still red and he still felt uncomfortable, but he wanted to listen in.

When all he heard were repeated curses and self-critical insults, Simon could assume that Alvin hadn't meant to do it. Now all the bespectacled brother had to do was understand why Alvin apparently didn't have a choice in the matter.

He waited a few moments before moving into the room again, shy this time. He shifted his feet awkwardly when Alvin noticed him, and he gave Alvin a careful look. 'I'm sorry I ruined your release.' He said curtly.

'Simon,' Alvin looked reluctantly at his brother. 'You don't have to bring it up, ever.'

'Well, we're trying to be closer, aren't we?' Simon reminded. 'So… i-it's… it's nice to know a bit about your private life. Do you do this often, or..?'

Alvin stared at Simon in confusion. 'Why on Earth would you want to know that?'

Simon raised a brow. 'Maybe so I know whether or not to knock and wait before entering a room?' He offered.

'Fine.' Alvin said modestly. 'I haven't done it in six months.' He admitted. 'So, no. It's not often.'

'Six months..?' Simon repeated. 'Why the sudden want to do it again?'

Alvin shook his head incredulously. 'Why the sudden interrogation about this?'

Simon put his hands on his hips. 'Because it's the first time we've talked about something to do with our personal lives.' He locked a gaze with Alvin. 'So what got you going again?'

'I don't know!' Alvin said defensively. 'Thinking about bo – girls – and stuff – and it was an accident: I didn't mean to get turned on!'

'An… accident?' Simon repeated sceptically.

'Yeah: one thought led to another – look, I'm sorry, I won't do it again if you're going to –' Alvin's power of speech died when Simon took off his shirt right in front of him.

Simon looked at Alvin once he dropped the shirt. 'See, I think I figured out your secret.' He began casually, freeing the button on his jeans. 'I think I figured out what you felt comfortable telling Theodore, but not me…'

Alvin's chest was tightening, getting harder to breath as he watched Simon undress. He just couldn't take his eyes away, and he was frozen from Simon's declaration.

'I haven't seen you with a girlfriend in…' Simon chuckled and shook his head, leaving the jeans loose. '_Months_.'

'S-so..?' Alvin half-squeaked. 'I-I just want… t-to be more… more c-careful with my…' his breath caught as Simon drove his jeans-zipper down. 'M-m-my ch-choices –'

Simon was truthfully quite interested in Alvin's reaction to this. He'd have thought Alvin could control his confidence, but the eldest was clearly both frightened and tempted. 'Right…' Simon smirked, acting his own confidence despite his fear that Alvin was going to do something they'd both regret. 'Unfortunately, Alvin… I don't believe you.'

He turned and took off the jeans, quickly finding his pyjamas and pulling the pants on.

Alvin tried not to admire Simon's body – he really did – but at some point he decided: it wasn't his fault. Simon was the one teasing him… he… he knew something. Alvin refused to believe that Simon knew _everything_, but…

'So let's talk about your sexuality.' Simon turned casually back to Alvin. Still shirtless, Simon's torso seemed to be the only thing Alvin's eyes wanted to look at.

'My sexuality..?' Alvin repeated curiously, finally fitting his eyes on Simon's.

Simon nodded. 'I think we both know that you don't exactly lean straight anymore.' He said knowingly.

Alvin tried to be defensive. 'Hey, j-just cause I want to check what your body looks like,' he failed, 'I mean, I'm your older brother and I'm allowed to –' he flinched at his own words. ' – that's not anything to do with – that came out wrong –'

'Hey,' Simon halted amusedly. 'You can tell me, you know.' He insisted. 'I won't believe you if you say anything else, so you might as well admit it.'

'You're doing that thing again, aren't you?' Alvin narrowed his sapphire eyes. 'You're making me think you know something so I get paranoid and ramble. It's not going to work.'

Simon's smile softened to an apologetic one. 'You're right.' He nodded slowly, picking up his pyjama top and pulling it on, beginning to close the buttons up his chest. 'I'm being cruel… and I'm sorry.' He looked at Alvin steadily. 'But there's one thing you're wrong about.'

Alvin scanned Simon. 'W-what's that..?'

The younger brother stepped forward and offered a reassuring smile. 'I do know that you're homosexual, Alvin.' He said supportively. 'You might not act like it…' he smirked. 'Well, you kind of do… but, it's somehow glaringly obvious.'

'Theodore told you…' Alvin breathed nervously. 'Didn't he..?'

'He didn't need to.' Simon shook his head. 'I had my suspicions long before Theodore slipped and told me.' He lied. 'It wasn't his fault, either, Alvin.' He said seriously. 'And he's really ashamed for telling me, so… so I think it's best you don't go after him about it.'

Alvin nodded, then shook his head. 'N-no, I wouldn't blame him…' he promised. 'I-I'm g-gay.' He chided his stammer and looked down in shame. 'It's the truth. And I-I'm sorry for hiding it from you…' he shook his head and closed his eyes. 'I just thought you wouldn't… understand..? I don't know why I kept it from you…'

Simon hesitantly reached out, while Alvin was still averting his gaze, and he pulled his brother gently into a tentative embrace. Simon's heartbeat sped in nerves, hoping with all he had that Alvin wasn't going to make this more uncomfortable than it had to be. 'We have our differences, Alvin… I… I would probably hesitate before telling you something like this, too…'

'I'm so sorry…'

_Wait… is he –?_ Simon felt compassion starting to flood out of him, Alvin's body shaking in his arms, the older boy breathing shakily. Crying. 'For what?' Simon asked soothingly, holding Alvin firmer.

Alvin clung to Simon's shirt, the embrace feeling all too good to be true, his morals screaming for him to let go. It was just a hug, but he still felt as if he was taking advantage of Simon. 'F-for… for failing…' he whispered. 'I won't ever… e-ever be the b-brother… you w-want me to be…'

Simon felt his own eyes gloss. After reading Alvin's "journal", hearing him criticise himself over and over – to hear him apologising like this was heartbreaking.

He decided not to press Alvin, and smoothed a hand up and down his back. 'I want you like this…' Simon whispered back. 'I want _you_…'

'Si…' Alvin whimpered slightly, shaking his head. 'D-don't… s-say…'

'Shh…' Simon smiled softly. 'Just try and take a compliment…'

Alvin gently pulled away from Simon, his cheeks stained with a few tears. 'You d-don't… don't know w-what it m-means to me…' He shook his head. 'What y-you mean to m-me…'

Simon just watched Alvin. 'That's…' he smiled warmly. 'Very flattering…'

'I-I'm sorry – I can't –' Alvin shook his head and brisked out of the room.

Simon started to go after him, but he decided against it, knowing that if he persisted, then Alvin was going to admit his feelings. And the eldest Seville was already distraught enough just admitting he was gay… it was best to let him gather his thoughts. The last thing Simon wanted to do was force the words out of his red-clad brother.

**A**

_I should tell him…_ Alvin thought as he stared at his reflection. _His reaction to me being… being that way… i-it was wonderful…_ He blinked hard as another tear escaped him._ I should have stayed and thanked him… or just thanked him… shown some appreciation… god, I'm such a jerk – he must feel so cheated, accepting me like that only for me to brush his support aside…_

He took in a shaky breath. _I just knew that if I stayed any longer, I was going to tell him I loved him… and he was going to take it the brotherly way… and say it back. And I can't hear that again. Can't hear the false hope ringing around those three stupid words…_

Alvin leaned back and stared at his reflection hopelessly. 'I have to tell him…' he figured. _He deserves to know – he deserves my trust… I just need to monitor myself._

_No doing anything drastic, that's the first rule… so… so, no kissing him to try and "prove" anything, no kissing him to take the easy way… I'm going to tell him, and tell him with my voice. And above all, I __**cannot**__ creep him out by repeating I love him, or complimenting his body, or telling him that he's perfect for me…_

_Oh, god, can I do this..?_ Alvin looked down in strain. _Am I even ready..? I haven't even figured out what I want to say! How do I say it..? If I was worried about Theodore telling him and not explaining it properly… how am I supposed to do that?_

_Maybe I'll show him my math book… and he can just read. He likes reading, right? Right… no, I can't… giving him that book to explain it all would be as much a shortcut as kissing him…_

_"__Simon, I'm in love with you…"_

_Too simple… __**so**__ cliché… not enough reassurance… he'd run away._

_Maybe I should take him somewhere..? No… public places equals an easier trip for the police… and more places for him to run…_

At this point Alvin thought it would be best to tie his brother down and announce it; that way Simon couldn't get away or call the police.

_It'd feel too… sick._ He mentally declined the idea._ He'd be freaked out by being tied up for one… but then my confession..? No, I'd be doomed for doing that to him…_ he sighed and met his own gaze once more. 'Time to do what you do best…' he murmured, his eyes shifting over his reflection. 'Confrontation without a plan…'

He nodded to himself and backed away from the sink, turned, and made his way out of the bathroom and back to Simon.

Simon was at his desk, just sitting there tapping a pen against an open workbook like he had almost moved on from Alvin's display – almost.

Alvin was glad of that, as there was therefore not much room for Simon to revert to hating him. He took in a large, steady breath before closing the door behind him, and crossing the space to arrive next to Simon.

He already felt his hands shaking, and clenched them to try and keep a hold.

* * *

**Okay! In my pre-written vault of fanfictions, there's only two chapters left of this story - but, it is definitely planned to continue, like I love writing it and I've got so many ideas yet to come so don't fret when it hits 11 chapters and I say "that's all for now".**

**But, until then, enjoy your week and I'll see you on Friday! (Auz time)**


	10. Spilled

**Just got an assignment in and wanted to share my relief in the form of a new chapter :D (I hope no one's complaining)**

**So, yeah - Enjoy!**

* * *

'Si..?' His voice was small, but heard nonetheless.

Simon looked up, seemingly snapping out of his thoughts, and stood immediately on seeing Alvin's troubled expression. 'What is it, Alvin?' He replied kindly.

Alvin looked down, cursing his nerves. 'Y-you were right…' he said, with strain evident in his voice. 'Those days ago…' he closed his eyes. 'We _do_ need to talk…'

'Uh,' Simon shook his head, despite that Alvin wouldn't see it. 'Alvin, you don't need to tell me anything else – you need to relax right now, this was a big confession –'

'Let me finish.' Alvin looked up again, meeting Simon's worried gaze with his own forced determination. 'I can't just let you think that my being gay is the end of it.' He managed to remain calm. 'Because, Simon, I'm not homosexual.' He said clearly.

Simon frowned slightly. 'What?' He shook his head. 'Yes you are, I – I-I mean Theodore told me.'

Alvin shifted his gaze to the side. 'Yeah… Theo was just being a good brother… trying to keep an… important promise.' He smiled momentarily. 'See: that's the thing, Si. I've been going around telling you it's a "secret", when it's not.' He nodded calmly. 'Sure, it's hidden from you… but for a… a very long time, it was more like a promise, that I made to myself almost a year ago. I've been convincing myself it was hidden for your own good, but…' he bit his lip. 'Now I think… I think if we're trying to trust each other, then this is something that I don't want in the way anymore.'

'Alvin –'

'Simon, do you remember that time we fought and I… I punched you in your diaphragm?' Alvin began. 'And you fell unconscious..?'

'No, Alvin, you don't need to –'

Alvin nodded. 'I thought you wouldn't…' he bit his lip before he went off, explaining what Simon had already read: the fear, desperation, care, selfishness, infatuation. The eldest began to slow down his explanation once it got past the admittance that he "wanted" Simon's smile reserved for himself.

Simon just stared at his brother, the words coming from his mouth more real than they were on a page, more frightening. He found himself wishing Alvin would stop, not wanting to hear it all over again. He'd accepted it. He didn't want to accept Alvin's remorse, right here in front of him.

How could he console someone… someone like Alvin?

His own thoughts were enough for him to disown himself. How dare he think that way – how dare he hate Alvin – how dare he think of Alvin as something lower than him.

'A-and it took me a long while to… to figure o-out why I was thinking like that…' Alvin continued, his gaze hadn't been on Simon's much during the story, but when it was, he couldn't stand to look for longer than a moment. Simon's expression was so blank and so affronted. 'So… so, w-what I'm trying to tell you, i-is –'

'Don't,' Simon shook his head. Alvin looked up, now, and was hurt to see the torment in his brother's eyes. 'Please, don't say it…'

Alvin felt his eyes build with tears. 'I meant it, Simon…' he went on softly. 'I-I meant it, when I told y-you I was s-sorry…' a tear rolled stubbornly down his cheek. 'I-I'll never be the brother… you want me to be…'

Simon closed his eyes and looked down to the side.

'I-I'm not homosexual…' Alvin repeated, his voice shaking almost as much as his whole body. 'I'm…' his throat was closing up as he tried to utter the last few words. 'I'm i-in…' he scrunched his eyes shut tight. It was so hard he was contemplating the easy way, just to kiss Simon for the first and inevitably last time. But that wouldn't do him any favours.

He had to say it.

'I'm in love with you…' he almost gasped it out, as though he'd been struck, flinching and feeling his tears fall steadily.

Simon looked at Alvin, now, his eyes full or sorrow and regret and hesitation. He watched without knowing what to do – or what he wanted to do – as Alvin broke down in front of him; the usually confident boy suddenly turned a cowering mess, he could see Alvin shaking in fear, he could almost imagine what his thoughts must have been, could only guess how little hope his older brother had right then, pouring his corrupted heart out to his pure younger brother.

Slowly, Simon reached out. He gently smoothed his hands down Alvin's arms, ignoring the harsh flinch Alvin responded with – as though he expected Simon to hit him – and Simon took Alvin's shaking hands in his own, holding them bracingly.

Alvin seemed to cry even harder. 'W-what a-are you d-doing..?' He managed, still not looking up, his voice was still riddled with shame despite his curiosity, and his hands shook harder in Simon's safe hold.

'This is what people do, isn't it..?' Simon said gently. 'When someone needs to be helped up… we offer them a hand..?' He put on a calming smile that shone through to his voice. 'I thought you could use two…'

'Oh, god…' Alvin shook his head. 'No – y-you're… S-Simon, you're supposed t-to hate me…'

Simon tilted Alvin's head up with a finger to his chin, looking at Alvin curiously. 'Where's that optimism my older brother always boasted about..?'

Alvin choked a sob again. 'N-no… no – th-this is t-too easy –' he shook his head and backed away, in complete denial. 'Y-you've already r-rung the p-police, haven't you? – that's it –' he nodded to himself. 'Y-you're stalling m-me – you're – you – you don't have t-to,' he put his wrists together and held them in front of himself pleadingly. 'I-I'll go, I promise – I – I d-don't want t-to hurt you a-any more than I already h-ha-have –'

'Oh, Alvin,' Simon started to feel the compassion again. Alvin was much too willing to give up his life – it was scary. It wasn't right. It was an amount of love Simon hadn't even believed existed – watching Alvin stand there, with his sapphire eyes wide and begging, his body shaking, his hands outstretched, completely accepting his crime…

It felt so wrong to let him torture himself like that.

'P-please…' Alvin closed his eyes. 'I w-want you t-to do it…' He'd hit the back wall by now, slumping and continuing to drop tears onto the carpet. 'I-it's all I see, it's th-the only thing I-I can see in m-my future, i-is a prison cell – and I'm r-ready – if I h-have to go, I w-want to go alone, b-before I do s-something w-we'll both regret – I-I'm ready – I want y-you to forget about m-me and l-live, a-and have a family –'

'You can't –'

'Please, just let me die!' Alvin whimpered. 'L-let me end it! I don't w-want to be this way, and I d-don't want you to see me this way! I just want to s-stop it! All of it!'

Simon crossed the room to Alvin, but the eldest shot away to the side, tripping on a dresser and falling – he looked up at Simon in fear and desperation, propped on his palms

'Don't –' he demanded. 'Don't you _dare_ risk –' he closed his eyes. 'I c-couldn't f-forgive myself –'

'This is ridiculous,' Simon promised, kneeling down beside Alvin. 'You can't seriously believe I would let you rot in prison because of… feelings?'

Alvin swallowed and nodded. 'I-it's where I belong…' he breathed.

Simon placed a hand on Alvin's, the eldest cowered, but Simon stayed put. 'I mean…' he began. 'O-of course, the way you feel about me… it makes me uncomfortable…' he pursed his lips before continuing. 'And I know it's technically illegal…' he shook his head. 'But if you've loved me like this for almost a year… then I don't see any reason to feel threatened.' Simon promised. 'I don't see any reason for you to suffer… when you deserve to be praised.'

'I-I don't deserve –'

'Oh, come on,' Simon chided fondly. 'I recall being quite naked in front of you. I don't recall you taking advantage of that.'

Alvin shook his head. 'I s-stared at you for too l-long…'

Simon scoffed. 'And I study for too long.' He smiled warmly. 'Things we can't control… should never be punished. If Brittany had a crush on me, and touched me romantically, I'd feel just as uncomfortable and violated if you did it, but there's nothing saying I can send her to prison for life.' He frowned and smiled. 'Isn't that unfair?'

'W-why are you being s-so understanding..?' Alvin questioned. 'I don't want you t-to lie to me…'

'You want me to tell you how I really feel about your feelings?' Simon gathered. 'You want the negatives?'

Alvin just nodded.

Simon shrugged. 'Yeah, let's agree that I'm going to find it awkward to hug you for a while. I don't want us to see the other getting dressed or undressed. It's just going to take some time for things to seem normal again…'

'I'm sorry…' Alvin said softly.

'It's fine.' Simon nodded. 'You've already been doing it, for almost a year. You've been acting normal. The only difference now is that I know about your feelings, and while you have to work not to do anything I won't like, I also have to work to respect you.'

Alvin finally looked up at Simon. 'Y-you don't understand…' he shook his head, his sapphire eyes shimmering. 'I've k-kept myself sated for _months_ and m-_months_. Now th-that I know you know… a-and I know f-for absolutely certain th-that my feelings are _never_ going t-to go anywhere…' he searched Simon's eyes in shame. 'I d-don't think I'll be a-able to hold myself back f-for as long… I'll t-try, sooner or l-later, to k-kiss y-you, to t-touch you, b-because I'll feel m-my… like I'll n-never get to be h-happy with a-anyone… my l-love is just… wasted… a-and I'm so… devoted to it, th-that… that my subconscious w-wont like that I'll never have you… I'll g-get impatient…'

Simon pursed his lips. 'Love is a funny thing…' he said calmly. 'Even though I know probably as well as you do that what you feel for me is… undying… just, never lose hope, because love can change.' He tried to be sure. 'It can. And, you know, I doubt yours will as much as you do, but you can't stop that hope.'

'I'll never feel that hope…' Alvin shook his head. 'B-because I can't imagine my world w-without being in love with you… if I fall o-out of this… then I'll feel hollow… not joyful…' he pushed a tear away. 'Being in l-love with you… with all its ch-challenges… is still the… the most amazing thing that's e-ever happened to me…' he shook his head. 'Which is why I know I-I belong in jail… because I'll b-be lying to myself… if I ever pretend to love someone m-more than I love you…'

'Alvin,' Simon looked at him worriedly. 'I-I'm sorry, but no matter how many times you say it… I just don't feel the same way about you.'

Alvin blinked, then cursed under his breath. 'I'm sorry, Simon, I-I told myself before I c-came in here not to ramble and r-repeat that I –' he held his tongue. ' – h-how I feel about you…'

Simon smiled fondly. 'Every once in a while you can,' he began, 'you know, that'd be alright. It's flattering enough. But saying it fifty times in two minutes sounds like you're demanding a response.'

'I-I'm sorry…' Alvin looked down.

'Please, Alvin,' Simon coaxed. 'I'm trying to be as supportive as I can… will you just appreciate that for five minutes?'

Alvin looked up again in apology. 'N-no – god – Simon – yes, thank you – this is more than I ever could have hoped – thank you –' he bit his lip worriedly and told himself to calm down. 'I-I just don't know how you want me to "appreciate" you…'

Simon smiled amusedly. 'Me neither, actually…' He grinned winningly when Alvin's lips tugged into a tiny smile. 'Here: let's try a hug.'

'You said it'd be awkward.' Alvin reminded timidly.

'Awkward hugs are the best kind.' Simon promised. 'All you need to do is keep your hands above my waist and we're good.'

Alvin flushed. 'Y-you know, if I do anything th-that makes you feel violated –'

'Yeah, yeah, I call the police.' Simon smirked. 'We'll see.' He stood and offered Alvin his hand. 'So how about: this can be your first test of will?'

'Uh…' Alvin took Simon's hand hesitantly and stood, still shaking slightly. 'I-it's just that… I might… like… nuzzle you… without meaning to…'

Simon chuckled amusedly. 'Right. "Without meaning to".'

Alvin frowned. 'It's true! We've never really hugged much before, and now that I have feelings for you, this is going to be a bit more awkward for both of us – last time I practically clawed your shirt out while flooding it!'

'Again: that was the best kind of hug.' Simon smiled, and slipped his arms around Alvin's waist, waiting with careful watch for Alvin to return the embrace.

'D-do I…' Alvin pursed his lips. 'A-around… your…'

'Just do something,' Simon rushed.

Alvin blushed and lifted his arms around Simon's shoulders, and Simon brought the embrace close, holding Alvin contentedly, his head resting on Alvin's shoulder.

The red-clad boy did the same, holding Simon tightly as though making sure it was all real. He hesitantly rested his chin on Simon's shoulder, feeling the sparks and guilty contentment from the safety and care of the hold.

'Thank you…' he said again.

Simon smiled, feeling somewhat proud of himself for not doing this wrong. In truth, he'd been more scared of how he would handle the confession rather than being scared of Alvin's feelings. He'd been worried that he would do or say something that would hurt Alvin, something offensive or something that made Alvin feel judged or scared.

He'd almost blown it, before, when he was reluctant to console Alvin. The feeling of disgust that started to reveal itself.

It was still there, of course, but Simon knew better than to voice it.

The younger boy blinked in slight shock when Alvin nestled his head more comfortably, but calmed down the cautious side of his mind. Alvin had warned him, after all.

After a few minutes more, Alvin pulled away reluctantly, brushing his cheeks with an embarrassed expression. 'I'm sorry for freaking out on you…' he said lightly. 'I just…' he bit his lip and made sure he was holding Simon's gaze. 'I've been having these nightmares about going to prison every night, a-and I guess it was so ingrained from them, th-that it was all I dared to expect.'

Simon nodded. 'It's alright, it made me understand how uncomfortable you are with your own feelings… I don't know, that made me feel better somehow…'

Alvin gave a small chuckle. 'That's good at least…' His smile didn't last. Now that Simon knew… knew, and didn't return the feelings – not that Alvin had expected that at all – but he hadn't thought about how… hopeless it all seemed.

He wished he could stop feeling how he felt towards Simon, because now he had the complete certainty that his devotion and love was always going to go to waste.

'Simon, will you do something for me?' He spoke up.

'Uh…' Simon pursed his lips and frowned. 'That kind of depends, Alvin…'

Alvin shook his head. 'Will you try and help me get over you?' He explained.

Simon's expression softened to sympathy, he pulled Alvin into another embrace. 'If that's what you want, I'll give it a try…' he nodded. 'But I can't promise results…'

'I don't even know where to begin…' Alvin agreed. 'How do you fall out of love?'

'Only think of the bad points?' Simon offered.

'I love all of your flaws…' Alvin murmured ashamedly.

Simon felt his cheeks dust with red in flattery. 'Yeah, maybe I can't help…'

Alvin smiled slightly. 'Forget I asked…' he shook his head.

'I'm relieved you care about me… it's more than I imagined, but still…'

'Y-you thought I didn't care about you?' Alvin looked up at Simon. 'Was I-I that bad..?' He looked down in contemplation. 'I didn't realise…'

Simon shrugged. 'I thought we were headed for… for being those brothers who never talk about each other.' He admitted. 'When the rooms split, and the only thing we ever said was a harsh word, if not we ignored each other… yeah, it seemed kind of hopeless.'

Alvin blushed and stepped away. 'I only did that to try and stifle my feelings.' He explained. 'I-I promise, Simon, not once have I ever hated you. Never.'

'Neither.' Simon admitted with a shy smile. 'I got disappointed sometimes… but not hate.'

'Thank you,' Alvin said again, nodding. 'I'm so lucky to have you for a brother.'

* * *

**It is not over! Despite the secret being out and acceptance being had, there is more to come.**

**And this is the second-last chapter that's pre-written so expect a little bit of a stand-still after chapter 11.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing, you have no idea how much inspiration it gives me :D**


	11. Spun

**Last chapter for now, a little sappy but hey it's needed for now :p**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**S**

Simon had cherished that, so proud of himself, proud of Alvin – just in complete contentment.

He enjoyed being able to spend time with Alvin and not worry about harsh words, not trying to figure him out so much. He made sure to visit Alvin's room every day for a chat, lightly teasing him about his feelings, but otherwise just… being his brother, for once.

It had just never felt so _right_ before.

Even his composition, working on it with Theodore was easy and the song was near completion, ready to be presented to Alvin for final judgement, for the lyricist to finalise the creation. Simon couldn't wait to see Alvin's reaction.

Since discovering that Alvin listened in on his playing piano, Simon made sure only to work on the song when Alvin was away, either on sporting events or with his friends. The eldest never seemed to let his controversial feelings get in the way of his usual life, but Simon understood that. Alvin wanted to be normal, so would pretend to be for as long as possible.

Which was why talking to him alone every day was nice, because then he had the chance to vent how he really felt, so that it wasn't pent up in the back of his mind, so that when he did try and act normal, there was nothing pressing on his brain.

The ninth of October was approaching quickly, too: the anniversary of Alvin's first love coming into existence.

Simon wasn't sure how Alvin felt about it, but he personally thought it deserved some sort of celebration. He wanted to do something special, something bordering on romantic.

You have to understand – this was the first time Simon had ever known someone was the least bit attracted to him. He felt he had to allow some sort of happiness for Alvin, too.

So, he told himself he would finish his song before the ninth, and present it to Alvin that day. It was a beautiful composition (he could say that without modesty, as he wasn't the only one who'd worked on it), and was hoping Alvin would take it as a sort of gift.

When it became two days until the ninth, Simon started to plan the evening.

Luckily, Alvin had been asked to perform to the junior school one of his songs from Music class right after school, so Simon had time to set things up.

Dave would once again be out on business, and Simon had encouraged Theodore to have a sleepover at Michael's house, as it was Friday. At first he hadn't minded it if Theodore was there – it wasn't as if this was going to be _too_ romantic – but he decided that Alvin would rather have peace of mind, not worrying about anyone's reaction to anything.

So there Simon was, alone on Friday afternoon, placing candles anywhere he could in Alvin's room. He nestled a stereo on Alvin's nightstand with the song ready to be played, and when he knew Alvin would be home soon, Simon started to light each candle carefully.

He stood back for a moment to admire the work, before he crossed the room to the curtains, drawing them shut so the room was dark.

Going through it once more, Simon reminded himself that Alvin had never verbally told him that his feelings started on the ninth. He could get around that, of course, as Alvin had told him about the day, told him it was almost a year ago, and if Simon hadn't known before, he could have probably guessed it to be around the ninth.

The last thing he wanted was the peace to be disrupted by Alvin finding out about his younger brother's deception those weeks ago.

Simon snapped out of the thought when he heard the front door close.

He grinned to himself and sat down casually on Alvin's bed. This wasn't some seductive reveal, he was just helping Alvin celebrate an important event, so he placed his hands on his lap, clasped, and sat up in attention, nerves growing as he heard steps fall up the stairs.

How he hoped Alvin would like this.

The door opened, and Simon saw Alvin was taken aback, his eyes trying to adjust to the sudden darkness. He looked around, clearly seeing the candles first.

'What the..?' His bag shifted off his arm and to the floor. Soon enough, he caught Simon's outline and took in a quick breath. 'Hey, who –' he frowned. 'Simon?'

'Close the door, Alvin, your eyes will adjust better.' Simon instructed.

The eldest did as he was told curiously. 'Um… obvious question: what's with all the candles?'

Simon stood with an excited smile, and when Alvin turned back he blinked at Simon in the way he usually did: in awe. Simon took Alvin's hands, lacing their fingers together. 'Happy anniversary.' He said softly.

Alvin's cheeks descended to a dark crimson. 'H-how did you know i-it was –?'

'I figured it out.' Simon explained. 'Turns out I do remember the day you winded me.' He chuckled, and bit his lip. 'Do you like it?'

'Well…' Alvin looked around once more. 'Yeah, of course… it's really nice of you to… to do this…' he frowned up at Simon. 'But why would you?'

Simon shrugged and turned, leading Alvin further into the room. 'It was a big event in your life.' He explained. 'I felt obliged to help you acknowledge it.' He turned back to Alvin. 'And like I said: you should be praised for the way you handled your feelings.'

Alvin pursed his lips. 'I never really thought of it as something to celebrate…' he insisted. 'It's more like a day I wish never happened.'

'I see.' Simon smiled. 'But it did happen,' he shrugged. 'And here we are, and I'd like to prove to you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me, whether consciously or not.' He let go of Alvin and moved to the CD player.

'W-what a-are we doing..?' Alvin mused nervously. 'Why candles? Why my bedroom?'

Simon found a blush spilling over his cheeks. He hadn't really thought about the bedroom part. He turned to Alvin. 'I just wanted us to be alone for a while.' He explained. 'And for you to have peace of mind. I wanted to give you a little piece of something you're longing for with all your heart.'

Alvin shook his head. 'I-I can't let you do a-anything to me – with me – o-out of pity or sympathy –'

'Alvin,' Simon halted. 'I don't want that, either.' He agreed. 'I mean it, this is just the simplest and most innocent thing I could think of that would still give you part of what you want.'

'But…' Alvin's eyes were shimmering. 'What c-can we do..?'

Simon smiled fondly. 'Don't you trust me, Alvin..?' He said softly. 'I would never hurt either of us the way you're afraid of doing.' He tapped a finger against the stereo. 'I…' he blushed, now. 'I-I wanted to show you this for a while now… it's a-a song I… I would be eternally grateful… if you were to sing it…'

Alvin started to smile fondly. 'It's about time you showed me your songs…' he chuckled. 'I hear you composing all the time.'

'Yes, well…' Simon smiled, too. 'This one's brand-new. Theodore helped me make it into a real, complete work, and…' he pressed play finally. 'And I knew I wanted to show it to you today.' He held out his hand. 'And have the first dance.'

It was both the most amusing and most perfect sight Alvin could have imagined. Simon standing there in his casual clothes amongst the romantic flickering candle lights, he looked both out of place and exactly where he belonged.

Alvin slowly took his brother's hand, and Simon brought them in to a close embrace.

The drums opened the song, light taps against the snare at well-placed intervals. Once the piano tune flowed through the room, Alvin stared at Simon in awe. He certainly hadn't heard this piece.

'This is beautiful,' he complimented breathlessly, turning to the player in shock. 'Oh, man, Simon, I don't have to be in love with you to know this has to be on our album –' he grinned at Simon. 'I would be absolutely honoured to give this lyrics.' He said in a posh voice.

Simon smiled contentedly. 'You don't know how good it is to hear you say that…' he said shyly.

Alvin bit his lip to hide his elated smile. 'After all your acceptance of me? A compliment is the least I can give.' He shook his head and glanced at the stereo again. 'You're an absolute genius…' he insisted. 'Give me all of your songs…'

They continued to spin lazily, Simon not quite knowing how to return a compliment from Alvin, but enjoying the praise nonetheless. He eventually spoke up. 'I'd like to do this every year you have feelings for me…' He admitted. 'A few hours to know that you're completely accepted…'

'I'll never get over you if you keep doing this…' Alvin accused in gentle fondness. 'This… because this is really all I could ever want…' he continued. 'I don't need physical affection from you… I don't need your kisses, not even your touch…' he blushed and spoke softly and embarrassedly. 'I just want to spend the rest of my life with you…'

Simon felt himself shiver in flattery and slight fear. He looked at Alvin, who's eyes were closed in shame and a slight flinch, and he looked to the side worriedly, not sure how to take the confession.

He was right now giving Alvin the only thing he wanted. Was this cruel? Or was it something he should do more often? Would that make it seem like they were a couple? Just staying in the same house would make Alvin stay happy like this…

'Alvin…' Simon began softly, seeing the older boy start to cower. 'Don't ever stop defining love that way…' he encouraged. 'It's beautiful…'

Alvin looked up at Simon, tears building. 'A-aren't you disgusted in me at all?'

Simon shook his head, bravely lifting a hand to cup Alvin's cheek. 'There are far more disgusting things out there… than the way you just described true love. How could I ever compare the way you feel about me to the real horrors out there? Are you seriously going to let people compare you to a murderer? A rapist? A life sentence for incest abuse… the law sees you that way, but I never will.' He brushed a tear away with his thumb. 'A-and I'll stay with you until I find someone that I can love with as much passion as you do…'

'Y-you'll… stay… with me..?' Alvin repeated.

'Oh,' Simon dropped his hand and shook his head in sympathy. 'I-I don't mean… as a… as a couple, just… I wouldn't be able to stand knowing you were living alone with the torment you feel…' He insisted. 'When we have to move out of here, we're going together. You're stuck with me.'

'How can you risk that?' Alvin questioned in confusion. 'All I want is to be with you, and that's what you're doing. Knowing you're with me, I'll be even more tempted to kiss you…'

Simon tilted his head in consideration. 'Are you really that tempted?'

Alvin blinked and nodded. 'I've been so close to doing it…' he admitted in shame. 'At the most bizarre moments, or at intimate moments like this… when you first told me you loved me – a-as a brother, I know, but it made me feel dizzy and I felt the urge…' he shook his head. 'Then when you were annoying me about the secret, when you asked if you were attractive, when you confronted me about being gay – and especially when I admitted my feelings. I was _so_ close to just kissing you.' He blushed. 'And now… this afternoon… I almost did it three times already…' He tried a smile. 'Including right now…'

'Okay…' Simon began decisively. 'I want to make you a deal, Alvin.'

'W-what's that..?' Alvin asked nervously.

Simon smoothed a hand up and down Alvin's back as he thought. 'I want you to try and get over me… but… but if in three months, you still have these feelings…' he blushed and looked down shyly. 'Then I'll let you kiss me…'

Alvin's heart leaped, he caught his breath and felt his body start to hum in the thought. 'You would do that?' He checked hopefully. 'Simon, I'd be your first –'

'I know.' Simon met Alvin's gaze. 'And I don't care – no one deserves it more than you do. No crush who I've dated for a week – a month – a year.' He chuckled softly. 'I'd let you do it right now if I wasn't so unprepared…'

'Right now..?' Alvin repeated, fascinated. 'B-but you don't feel the same way I do.'

Simon shook his head. 'I suppose not…' he agreed. 'But I just… I've never felt this before…' he tried explaining. 'The care I feel towards you, the flattery, the way you care about me… how I feel fascinated with knowing why you feel how you do.' He shrugged. 'I feel like I'm in this odd zone between brotherly love and romance…'

Alvin tried to stop feeling so hopeful. 'D-do you think you could ever feel for me what I feel for you..?' He had to ask, at least once.

'I think…' Simon pursed his lips in calculation. 'I think my morals might get in the way too much… they'd stop it before it got to love.'

'Yeah…' Alvin murmured. 'Your morals were always better than mine…' he agreed.

Simon stopped their dance slowly, the song finishing. 'There's something between us, Alvin.' He promised. 'It's not one-sided. There _is_ something… it's what made me accept you, I think. It's what's willing me to do this for you.'

Alvin looked around at the candles again, before meeting Simon's gaze. 'Three months and you'll let me kiss you…' his lips tugged into a hopeful smile. 'Is that meant to be a punishment for not getting over you..? Cause it makes no sense.'

'It's a reward for containing yourself for another three months.' Simon corrected. 'We'll repeat this three-month incentive until something changes.'

'I like those odds…' Alvin nodded, and brought Simon into a tight embrace. 'I love the song, Simon. And thank you for everything you've done for me, and especially for this afternoon.'

Simon chuckled. 'You're assuming that I only planned for five minutes?' He chided.

Alvin pulled back. 'There can't be more –'

'See, I accidentally walked into the video store when a certain scary movie appeared in my hands and suddenly I was walking home with it,' he smirked at Alvin's grin. 'Weirdest thing, isn't it? I mean: I hate scary movies…' he met Alvin's gaze pointedly. 'Of course it needs to be watched, it was paid for… but I think I'll need someone to cling to…'

'I think I know a guy.' Alvin chuckled. 'You're the best.'

Simon smiled proudly. 'I'm the best?' He repeated. 'And you…?'

Alvin raised a brow. 'And I love you?' He offered.

'That's it.' Simon grinned. 'Can you help me blow out the candles?' He added.

'Geeze, I'm not the one who raided the wax museum...' Alvin joked, but both got to work on plunging the room into darkness.

* * *

**I know it's really cheesy but I love it anyway :3**

**So FOR NOW that's all I've got, but it will be updated in the near future. Bare with me, I'm pretty busy. Thanks for reading and reviewing and all that good stuff - see you soon!**


	12. Wait a Minute

**HELLO PEOPLE! I'm super happy to announce that I'm working on this story again (I knew this would be the one I'd come back to), mainly because I haven't logged onto Fanfiction in about three months and when I finally did I was bombarded with amazing reviews, so thank you eternally for that, it was a definite reminder that this story was just waiting to be added to.**

**In saying that, this chapter is kind of small, but incentive for me to keep going.**

**Also, p****lease understand: I'm not as committed to Fanfiction as I used to be thanks to the workload of uni. Like I'm always writing Alvon drabble, but my focus on specific stories is constantly jumping around. But anyway.**

**Hope you enjoy, thanks for being patient!**

* * *

**A**

_Oh, Simon, that was amazing…_ Alvin lay in bed that night, thinking over the evening, the things that were said, the way Simon showed how much he supported Alvin – the way Simon couldn't stand the horror film.

_He's got quite a grip for a nerd…_ Alvin chuckled to himself delightedly. _I'll never forget his face… all frozen… and how when it finished he turned to me like I was insane to like something like that… he's never watched a full scary movie before… that was great…_

_And dinner…_ Alvin blushed on the thought. Simon had made him dinner that night, even putting a rose in the middle of the table._ He seriously treated this evening like our first date…_

Alvin sighed contentedly. 'He even kissed my cheek…' he still felt the warmth, replayed it in his head over and over. He'd dream about that for months.

_Only three months… because he's letting me kiss him properly then…_ Alvin tried not to flail in excitement like some fangirl. He didn't even mind that Simon's feelings weren't the same. To him: Simon had practically admitted he had a crush on him, and the way he said he'd stay with him… it certainly seemed like something more than brotherly care was going on. Alvin wouldn't push it to be said, obviously, or he might risk Simon getting defensive and the flame would extinguish…

No, he would let it be until Simon figured it out himself.

It would be terrible to confront Simon, too, and risk being wrong just because of his own private wishful thinking.

And he had to stop thinking that Simon would return the feeling. He had to remain ashamed and careful not to assume Simon was okay with any kind of affection from him. Which was difficult when all Simon was telling him to do was to stop being ashamed.

Alvin's nights were scarcely full of nightmares, now, and if they were; it revolved around Dave's disapproval or Theodore's sudden fear, and then on to life sentence once more. Simon wasn't a threat anymore.

The eldest boy relished the way Simon put aside time just to be with him, an hour maximum of casual conversation – the two hadn't done that their whole lives.

It was ironic as well as slightly sad that they hadn't acted more like brothers until it was too late, until Alvin was already surpassing one love with a stronger one.

But Alvin wasn't protesting either way, and he was relieved that Simon wasn't.

**A**

When two weeks more went by, that relief began to turn into confusion. Alvin had expected some kind of spat between them, a day or something where Simon would second-guess the way he handled Alvin's feelings, and they would have an argument where Alvin would have to re-affirm his promise of never violating Simon; he would have to justify himself again.

Simon's trust was either encouraging, or suspicious.

Alvin felt he had to test it. Something. Anything.

_What did he feel?_

Alvin pursed his lips as he peaked open the hobby-room's door, his sapphire eyes trained on his younger brother's form at the very opposite end. Simon was setting up his telescope by the window, and Alvin quickly remembered him rambling on about Venus earlier that week.

_Nerd…_ Alvin smiled fondly, and rested his head on the doorframe for a moment, wondering if he dared ruin the peace they had right now.

_But I have to do something… nothing stupid… well, you know… if I can help it…_ Alvin scoffed to himself and walked just a little further into the room, closing the door behind him purely so he could have something to lean against.

'You alright there, stealthy?'

Alvin felt himself grin and blush at the same time. 'Just wondering where you were.' He returned.

Simon turned to Alvin curiously. 'Oh?'

'You're surprised that I want to spend time with you?' Alvin returned, raising a brow.

'No, I'm surprised you admitted it.' Simon sent a smirk Alvin's way. 'I was looking forward to hearing another "coincidence" that made us end up meeting in the same room…'

Alvin shook his head with a shrug. 'We live together, it happens.' He retorted, stepping further in, allowing his pace to be slow and his body language shy. 'So, what're you up to?' He mused.

Simon had turned back to the telescope, fitting his eye to it and adjusting a few more levels. 'Just need to set this thing up again, you can barely see the moon through it right now… Theo must've dropped it when he packed it away last time…'

'Who needs a telescope? All the stars are in your eyes.'

'I'd better not miss Venus…'

Alvin watched innocently when Simon finally froze and looked up at him, an adorable squint going on because his glasses were on top of his head.

'What was that?'

'I said: all the stars are in your eyes.' Alvin made himself smirk a little. 'Keep up.'

Simon rolled his eyes and went back to the telescope. 'That was the cheesiest thing I've heard all year.' He chuckled.

'Well you know, Venus was the goddess of love,' Alvin went on suavely, 'they say you can find your soulmate when the planet passes by…'

'Shame I'll be too busy studying it…' Simon bit his lip in concentration, adjusting more knobs.

Alvin smiled, but mentally sighed. _I'm getting seriously friend-zoned here…_ 'You know, I think I like you better with your glasses on. You just look so smart and handsome…'

'They get in the way with things like this.' Simon replied in robot-like instinct.

'Si?' Alvin raised a brow, waiting for Simon to look at him. When he did, Alvin allowed himself to throw some caution to the wind. 'I'm trying to flirt with you.'

Simon smirked and went back to his telescope. 'Oh, I'm painfully aware of that, Alvin.'

Alvin's heart skipped in the rejection. _Well okay, then…_ 'Sorry for bugging you.' He sighed, and turned to leave, pursing his lips in thought.

It wasn't much of an experiment, but with the fact that Simon had deflected all of those flirts – consciously – Alvin could assume that Simon was making sure romantic ramblings remained one-sided between them. Maybe if he had feelings for Alvin, he'd banter with him for the fun of it; but no. No, this made Alvin feel a little more uncomfortable, and he hoped he hadn't made Simon feel that way, too.

'Alvin?'

The eldest hummed automatically and looked through the bedroom door where Theodore was.

'What was tonicisation again?' Theodore continued cluelessly. 'For Music?'

Alvin shrugged and walked into the room. 'It's when you shift to another tonic for a little while. Another key.' He explained, and collapsed on his bed a moment later, staring at the ceiling.

'Thanks…' Theodore wrote down the note before focusing on Alvin's downcast form. 'Are you alright?'

'Yeah… just trying to figure out something with Simon…' Alvin suddenly realised that he hadn't told Theodore the good – or bad? – news about Simon knowing and accepting his feelings.

He sat up with a smile and turned to Theodore, ready to speak when he was cut off.

'So are you two comfortable about everything now?' He asked hopefully. 'Simon said not to talk about it in front of you.'

Alvin slowly frowned, blinking and shifting his eyes. 'Did… so, Simon already told you?' He figured. 'That I confessed my feelings?'

Theodore nodded. 'A while ago, now.' He reminded. 'He told me you were "unclear", and asked me to tell him clearly.'

'But I…' Alvin shook his head slowly. 'I don't think he could have interpreted what I said… any other way…' He thought back to that emotional evening, trying to remember why on Earth Simon would go to Theodore afterwards. 'Wait… he told me… that you told him I was gay, so when did –?'

'I never told him that!' Theodore said in offence. 'I avoided him almost that whole first week, we didn't talk until the day you and he did.'

Alvin looked at his lap with a frown, trying to figure out why this sounded wrong.

He wasn't sure; maybe Theodore's memory was a little jumbled. The time-frames sounded out of place: Theodore had known a lot longer than a week before Alvin confronted Simon…

**T**

Theodore was sorry to say that Alvin was starting to get on his nerves after the fifth repeat of the question "but why would he ask you to clarify?".

The youngest was _trying_ to read this English book before class on Wednesday.

'Did you tell him you were in love with him?' Theodore mused, hating to sound so bored but not able to help himself. 'That's what did it when I told him.'

'I repeated that _too_ much, trust me!' Alvin was on the edge of his bed in protest.

Theodore pursed his lips and decided to focus some attention on Alvin. 'What's the problem?' He asked sincerely.

Alvin shifted indigently. 'I don't know… I'm just hoping Simon actually understands this properly…' he stood with a heavy sigh and started to pace.

'Then why don't you go and talk to him about it?' Theodore suggested, opening his book again.

It took a moment for Alvin to respond, and Theodore almost thought he'd left until he looked up and the eldest was still there, standing still.

His sapphire eyes were trained on his reflection, shifting in uncertainty.

'I don't want to ruin anything.' He replied honestly.

* * *

**Next chapter is being written :)**

**Thank you for all the support!**


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